I have already written on the immorality of the Alcoholics Anonymous’ 12 steps. However, the thought keeps waking me up sweaty at night: what if the AA bozos are right? What if placing yourself in abject submission does help you build the confidence you need to overcome addiction? What if pigs grew wings and started flying off?

So I decided to write a 12 steps for stateaholics (people who are addicted to government power), but somewhat saner than the AA version. Here it is:

1. We admit that we are powerless over the State: that our lives have become managed by people with political power, and that we have been indoctrinated to believe this is in our best interests.

2. We come to believe that only the power of our own values and our own inner light can restore us to sanity.

3. We make the decision to retake our lives and our will, and to become free individuals once again.

4. We make a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves.

5. We admit to ourselves the nature of our wrong thinking and immorality.

6. We do not expect anyone but ourselves to remove these defects of character.

7. We work on our shortcomings and strive to become freedom-oriented individuals.

8. We make a list of all persons the State has harmed, and realize the extent to which the State harms our society.

9. We demand that the current government make amends to such people.

10. We continue to maintain an inventory of the State’s shortcomings.

11. We seek to improve our conscious contact with natural law as we understand it, seeking more knowledge of it and the wisdom to carry it out.

12. Having had a personal awakening as a result of these steps, we try to carry this message to other stateaholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.