In praise of “corporate persons”‘ rights…

McSweeney’s posted a funny satire on the future consequences of allowing free speech to “corporate persons.”

August 14, 2027

The Supreme Court of Massachusetts holds that, as “persons” under the federal and state constitutions, non-natural persons have the right to get married.

On the courthouse steps, 500 subsidiaries of Microsoft announce plans to wed individuals from India and Bangladesh—who will then be able to move to the U.S.

“This is not a ploy to get around U.S. visa requirements and bring in low wage workers,” said a spokesperson for Microsoft. “This is true love.”

– – – –

November 7, 2028

Winning 72.1% of the popular vote, California Governor Mickey Mouse is elected President of the United States. He runs weakest among men (garnering just 39% of the vote) and women (45%). However, he is carried to victory by his strength in other key demographic groups: corporations (67%), cartoons (68%), lobbying groups (73%), copyrighted film scores (78%) and online avatars (81%).

One thought on “In praise of “corporate persons”‘ rights…

  1. David Gendron June 18, 2010 at 13:21

    Funny! ;)

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: