Daniel Mackler is the spiritual successor to Alice Miller and a tireless fighter for children’s rights. In this important entry, he discusses the situations in which one should definitely not have children, and why.
2) You feel your life is incomplete.
It is a myth that children make parents’ lives complete. If your life feels incomplete without children then your job is to find a way to make it complete BEFORE you have children. Lives are made complete by internally resolving one’s traumas, not by adding new and perfect young lives to adult ones that are already traumatized. Children should not be brought into the world to meet any of YOUR needs. It is your job to meet their needs, and to devote yourself to this end. Not the other way around.
3) You are lonely and want love.
No child deserves a lonely, needy parent. Your child will not love you. That is a myth. Your child needs you – and needs you desperately – and if you think your child loves you then you, along with most of our culture, have mixed up love and need. Now granted, if you need your child to love you, your child will quickly pick this up on his emotional antennae and will adjust his behavior toward actually loving you…but this will be devastating and perverse for his emotional development. Learn to love yourself fully before you have kids.