When people should not have children.

Daniel Mackler is the spiritual successor to Alice Miller and a tireless fighter for children’s rights. In this important entry, he discusses the situations in which one should definitely not have children, and why.

2) You feel your life is incomplete.

It is a myth that children make parents’ lives complete. If your life feels incomplete without children then your job is to find a way to make it complete BEFORE you have children. Lives are made complete by internally resolving one’s traumas, not by adding new and perfect young lives to adult ones that are already traumatized. Children should not be brought into the world to meet any of YOUR needs. It is your job to meet their needs, and to devote yourself to this end. Not the other way around.

3) You are lonely and want love.

No child deserves a lonely, needy parent. Your child will not love you. That is a myth. Your child needs you – and needs you desperately – and if you think your child loves you then you, along with most of our culture, have mixed up love and need. Now granted, if you need your child to love you, your child will quickly pick this up on his emotional antennae and will adjust his behavior toward actually loving you…but this will be devastating and perverse for his emotional development. Learn to love yourself fully before you have kids.

4 thoughts on “When people should not have children.

  1. Brad Reddekopp March 19, 2014 at 21:24

    That’s also good advice for other types of relationships.

    • Francois Tremblay March 20, 2014 at 04:34

      Like what?

      • Brad Reddekopp March 21, 2014 at 11:00

        I think friendships and romantic partnerships are more likely to be healthy relationships if each person is in it because they value the other and want to be around them rather than because they are trying to meet a need or fill an emptiness. Being ok alone is a very good start.

  2. Ask a Question 2 | The Prime Directive March 25, 2014 at 20:33

    […] parents are not qualified to raise their own children, and adoption does not change that dire fact. The conditions which make people bad parents also apply in this […]

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