Ice balls.

This is not a straightforward piece like I usually link to. It’s an account by Maria Catt of her working at a rich people’s bar while FtM transitioning, how she was treated, how they treated each other, and so on. It’s quite well written.

That Saturday morning I saw our CEO glowing with ego and it occurred to me that maybe testosterone wasn’t that cute of a look. Maybe the estrogen my body makes naturally was what kept me from doing dumb shit like paying 50 people for 3 hours of San Francisco minimum wage so that someone would look at my wedding album.

I used to have a joke in my standup act where I’d tell the audience I was transitioning, and they’d clap because everyone wants to be an ally, then I’d say, “Woo-hoo, one more white guy! Just what the world needs!” But that morning in that club was when I really started to consider that the estrogen my body makes, while setting me personally up for some rough times, actually was better for the people and the world around me. And the question really hit me: did I want strangers on the street to look at me and think I was in any way the same kind of person as this joker with the Powerpoint?

The next shift I came to work with no bow tie and a face full of makeup and the insecure bankers loved it. For the rest of my time at the club they would flirt with me and tell me all their rich dude problems, like having a hell of a time kicking the tenants out of the SRO he had bought to renovate, or being so relieved to be away from the air pollution in China since he got back from his trip inspecting his company’s factories over there. They called me sweetheart and insisted on hugs. My manager was pissed. The CEO finally talked to me and asked what was up with my new look. I told him it made the members nicer. I worked the job for a couple more months until one day I was on my period and was thinking about how I’d moved to California to wear makeup for the one percent, and I couldn’t stop crying, and I quit abruptly. Another win for female hormones.

4 thoughts on “Ice balls.

  1. stchauvinism October 5, 2015 at 21:00

    Reblogged this on Stop Trans Chauvinism.

  2. oopster74 October 6, 2015 at 02:08

    When I was about to move from junior to high school in the mid 80’s, I really didn’t want. All the high school kids were evil little shits as far as I could tell, and I didn’t want to become that myself. The fact is, that I did go to high school, but I didn’t become one of those evil little shits, I was still me.

    To the author of the piece, do what is right for you, whether that’s to transition or not. Act how you think you should act, or what makes you comfortable. People can be idiots, just don’t be like them and you’ll be fine.

    • Francois Tremblay October 6, 2015 at 02:23

      Why is it that whenever you read anything, you seem to take away from it the most superficial crap possible? “Do what is right for you”? Goddammit, oopster.

      • oopster74 October 6, 2015 at 02:25

        I think you see everything I write a certain way. What I was saying is the guy mentioned was an idiot, doesn’t mean you have to be like that.

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