True Cop Terrors!

From Something Awful: Welcome to the Policeman’s Haunted House of Horrors!


Our frightmare ghost is the terrifying specter of an unarmed teenage black woman who put her hands down by her waist when a policeman clearly instructed her to “Keep them up get on the ground right now don’t move!!!!!!” Even more terrifying? She appears as if she may be slightly intoxicated, giving her superhuman strength and aggression.

Keep your hands up! Because your hairs will be standing on end!

Head into the garage, where a black minister with an expired city tag is sitting in a car and he might just refuse to get out of his vehicle!! From the bowels of hell the unholy devil preacher will chillingly cry, “What did I even do?!?! What is this for?!?!” Watch out, he might reach for a bible! This happens in real life too so it is extra scary.

As for the facts of how dangerous police work actually is, The Washington Monthly says: not as much as we think.

The fact is: being a policeman is one of the safer jobs you can have, according to statistics from the Bureau of Labor.

In five years, 2008 to 2012, only one policeman was killed by a firearm in the line of duty in New York City. Police officers are many times more likely to commit suicide than to be killed by a criminal; nine NYC policemen attempted to take their own lives in 2012, alone. Eight succeeded. In 2013, eight NYPD officers attempted suicide, while six succeeded. If police want to protect themselves, a wise move might be to invest in psychiatric counseling, rather than increased firepower.

2013 had the fewest police deaths by firearms since 1887 nationwide.

2 thoughts on “True Cop Terrors!

  1. sbt42 February 25, 2016 at 07:23 Reply

    I looked into the Washington Monthly article, and it mentions some statistics regarding fatalities on the job (from Jan 2015). I recently read a quote from the Anti-Porn Feminists blog, which mentions a statistic of women in prostitution having “a death rate forty times higher than the average” (from 2013).

    I wonder of the comparison of death rates of cops to prostituted women. To those who consider prostitution as “a job like any other”: would you consider this “safe” or “safer” work for those involved? Do you suspect the death rates for prostituted workers are also being glossed over, while the “work” is simultaneously being advocated as a reasonable way to make a living?

    Apologies if this seems to stray a bit too far off topic.

    • Francois Tremblay February 25, 2016 at 16:08 Reply

      Yes, definitely. Rates of PTSD alone have debunked a lot of this myth.

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