Hey, this is Skippy the Skeptoid. How are you all doing? Well, I DON’T CARE! I hate you because you’re just a sheep bleating what authority figures say to you! Bleeeet! Bleeeet! You’re so pathetic, I want to shear you and make a sweater out of your wool that says “A is A” on the front, okay?
People say a lot of things to me. For instance, some morons tell me “but that’s my foot!” or “you’re really hurting me!” This is such bullshit. Can’t they say anything original or rational or just not contradictory? Other people tell me things like “please, sir, put that shotgun down and no one will get hurt” or “we’re agents from the FBI, and we are putting you under arrest for wire fraud.” I’m like, WHATEVER! People tell me so much shit! Can’t you learn to be more logical and not, you know, fall for all the obvious fallacies, okay? I know all the fallacies: fallacy of post hoc ergo prompter hoc, fallacy of petitio principii, fallacy of carpe diem, fallacy of not agreeing with me.
I’m the only person out there who’s really able to look at reality in the face, spit at it, and tell it to go fuck itself. You people who follow the liberal agenda believe in magical thinking and don’t understand that you can’t change reality. You have to face the facts. With your face. Your factual face. Only a True Skeptic (patent pending) can be dispassionate and calm enough to take the facts wherever they lead. What’s that? You think GMOs should be labeled? YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT WHY ARE YOU AGAINST SCIENCE YOU’RE SO RETARDED URGH… okay I am calming down… the luminous face of Carl Sagan is beaming down at me… I feel much calmer
Let me give you a little introduction to skepticism. Okay? Because you clearly need it. It’s just basic logic. You do know logic, right? What you gotta do is not commit any fallacies. You gotta memorize them all, like I did, okay?
The first step to skepticism is, you gotta ask for scientific evidence for any claim. Doesn’t matter what claim it is. Like for instance, if a woman says she was sexually harassed, the first thing you should do is ask for PROOF. I mean, any bitch can say she was harassed, right? They get so much from it, like the case of Rebecca Watson has clearly shown. No one talked back to her and her work in the community has been widely applauded. So women have a lot to gain by reporting they were harassed, even if it’s a lie.
Before you start believing it, you need to ask for the same level of evidence that we ask for in science. Not just someone’s say-so. If someone just says they experienced something, that’s subjective evidence, which is not admissible. That’s not worth shit. We need testable, repeatable evidence. Otherwise it’s about as credible as homeopathy, Creationism, or determinism.
Feminism is shit, just so you know. If they really cared about human rights, they’d be humanists. Okay? I’m a humanist. I care about ALL humans on this planet. I don’t care what gender or race they are. I just don’t think women should claim privileges over men. Like being able to walk on the street without being harassed. I got harassed once. Some WOMEN (probably an ANGRY FEMINIST, which is redundant: why can’t they be calm like me?) screamed at me: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT POOR DOG??” She was clearly not a skeptic because she cared about animals. But skepticism clearly leads to the conclusion that there are no such thing as animal rights, because other animals can’t use basic logic. So splitting a dog’s skull in two really wasn’t a big deal. Get over it, lady! So I was harassed, what’s the big deal? No one has the right not to be harassed. It’s called FREE SPEECH, okay, feminist harpies? Like porn. Porn is free speech. And so is harassment. So SHUT UP and SIT DOWN, okay?
Okay, the second step to skepticism is to keep non-skeptic issues from seeping into skepticism. Like, those morons who keep talking about feminism or racism or whatever, that’s so off-topic. There’s no logic in that. It’s all anger and emotions and stuff. They’re SO ANNOYING! Anyway, any time someone tries to raise an issue that’s not skeptical, you have to tell them clearly that they should go and start their own movement. Because that’s not what we’re about.
The third step is that you gotta look at the scientific evidence. And the scientific evidence indicates that men and women are different. I mean, come on! People who deny that are just insane. HAH! HAHAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Just FUCKING INSANE!!! That’s the low of illogic that communists and feminists are willing to plunge into in order to maintain the credibility of their ridiculous positions. Blank slate thinkers. Utopians. Unable to confront human nature as I define it. The evidence says that billions of years ago, women had to pick berries (that’s all they did, that and raise babies) and figure out which ones were poisonous and which ones were not. That’s why women have always loved pink throughout history. That’s science. Men don’t like pink. Because they didn’t pick berries. Have you ever seen a man pick berries? QED. That stands for Quite Enough, Dumbass. The Dumbass in this case being you.
That’s all you gotta do to be a skeptic! I hope this was useful. Probably not, since you persist in holding on to your outdated unscientific concepts like exploitation or privilege or whatnot. You just can’t confront reality like I can. But listen, don’t despair, okay? As long as you keep having children, you’re fulfilling your evolutionary duty. And isn’t that all we can ask for, really? Okay?
Bush Kangaroo Skeptoid