This idea, that children somehow bring meaning into your otherwise meaningless life… It’s a very, very bad and dangerous idea, both for parents and for children.
Because kids aren’t dolls, they grow up, and sooner or later they’ll separate themselves from their parental family. And if parents were too concentrated on children, if children were their only meaningful thing in life, they’ll feel like their world is ending, and they’ll try to stop children from leaving, from becoming independent. This can end very badly for everyone involved.
So, live your life, be yourself, and don’t let others talk you into something you don’t want. If you want children, it’s good. If you don’t want any children, it’s also good. If you theoretically want children, but not right now, then live your life, and maybe the right moment will come, or maybe it will never happen, – and it’s also okay.
When my mother had me it was clear she was an unfit parent. She never should have gotten pregnant in the first place, but since she did and managed to make it to term with me it would have been in my best interest to be given up for adoption or to other relatives. Another aunt insisted that my mother keep, and helped her cross state lines to avoid CPS so she could, because “it will be good for her to have a child, having a child might save her”
Children don’t exist for the sake of their parents.
Honestly, the logic of ‘having a baby will be good for the parent’ is the same logic as giving a pet to a child in the hopes it will teach them responsibility – which often results in dead gold fish or ignored puppies that end up at the pound when they become dogs and the kid loses interest.
While the risk of parents sabotaging their children’s independence is real, there’s also a risk of neglect or abandonment as kids get older. The amount of kids who end up in foster care or with guardians as teens makes me think some parents really do see babies like puppies, something cute to have and love while they’re tiny then regret having once they’re bigger.
And this mindset, treating a living thing like a toy is not an acceptable to treat a dog this way, let alone a human being. Those puppies that are abandoned as dogs suffer for it and often can’t find homes (because everyone wants a puppy), now imagine all the teens in the system that will never be adopted because they’re ‘too old’ and are left wondering what they did wrong because their parents didn’t ‘keep them’
And I say this as someone who was given up my by birth mom as a teen and was never adopted – I’m not trying to dehumanize kids here but to high light that you shouldn’t treat a baby like a puppy or more over you shouldn’t treat any living thing like a toy.