By: Stone Beefgun firstname.lastname@example.org June 4, 2016 Updated: June 4, 2016 at 10:37 pm
A local woman participated in the very first feminist rape in the history of the world, according to Manly PD chief Paul Elam. The coerced participant, a local woman, called 911 at 8:20 pm to report that she had been raped. The non-coerced participant, Dudley Blanks, was arrested by Manly PD and taken into custody. It was while in custody that it was discovered that Dudley Blanks was a genderqueer aromantic feminist penis-bearer.
“At this time, we have confirmed that the rape that Dudley Blanks committed was actually a feminist rape, done in a way that was empowering both to the coerced participant and to all women everywhere,” said Elam. “The act did not go against her agency, but rather supported it, in a beautiful and touching way. Frankly, it’s always pretty easy for us to find an excuse not to prosecute a rape, but this time it was even easier than usual. This was clearly a rape that will help the status of all women everywhere, so we’re clearly doing the right thing by releasing Mr. or Ms. Blanks, and we will not pursue the matter any further.”
The announcement of the historical first feminist rape comes hot on the heels of the rise in feminist pornography, feminist violence against women (in the form of BDSM, which is entirely consensual and safe), and feminist pedophilia (in the form of empowered underage female sex workers). Men can now sleep a little more soundly knowing that, from now on, rape doesn’t have to be such a bad thing after all.