Perfect Gentleman Does Not Assault Drunk Woman, by The Onion.

COLUMBUS, OH—Describing the fact that he had not caused her any physical harm as a mark of true gentility, sources confirmed Friday that local man Thomas Lowell had been a “perfect gentleman” the night before by not assaulting 25-year-old Leah Pace while she was inebriated. “Leah had a bit too much to drink, but Tom was an absolute gentleman the whole night,” said Pace’s friend Amber Cohen, bestowing the highest standards of chivalry and honorability upon the man for refraining from endangering Pace’s personal safety or exploiting her drunken state to engage in sexual acts without her consent. “Nothing bad happened at all. He’s a really good guy.” Sources later reported that the man who did not harass Pace with aggressive and lewd text messages the following day was a total sweetheart.

17 thoughts on “Perfect Gentleman Does Not Assault Drunk Woman, by The Onion.

  1. sellmaeth August 23, 2016 at 03:16 Reply

    How does it feel, being a man in a world that has such low standards for men? I mean, it must be great to be deemed a perfect gentleman for, you know, not being a rapist, but one could also feel a bit ridiculous.
    Like,if someone read this comment and on that basis declared me one of the greatest authors to have ever written in English language – I would assume they are pulling my leg.

    Though I suppose it must be different when people have been doing this your whole life.

    • Francois Tremblay August 23, 2016 at 04:35 Reply

      You do know this is satire, right? It’s from The Onion.

      That being said, there is a lot of truth behind it. Obviously men are held to a much lower standard than women. Since personally I’ve never amounted to much of anything… it hasn’t really factored in. But if I had done something with my life, I’m sure I’d be pretty chuffed about it.

      • sellmaeth August 23, 2016 at 05:33 Reply

        Of course I know that the Onion is satire, but some of its satire news are funny because they just state with absolute honesty what people actually do and think.

        Just take “Man Entirely Different Misogynist Online Than In Real Life” – this is all just normal facts. Of course the man doesn’t spout misogynist hatespeech in real life the way he does on the internet.
        It is just so self-evident, that no serious newssite would ever make an article out of it.

        This article you quoted is funny because it actually phrases what is meant by “he was a perfect gentleman”, instead just letting people figure it out for themselves. Written down, it is just so much more obvious what a low standard this actually is.

        You have never experienced this? Well, by not having children, you of course made it impossible to be praised as dad of the year for doing about 10% of childcare, which is one of the main areas where men being praised for meeting incredibly low standards happens.

        • Francois Tremblay August 23, 2016 at 14:29 Reply

          Well, there is one area in which I did benefit, in getting married to my wife. When we first met, I wasn’t a great person, and I certainly wasn’t sympathetic to feminism at all. Her standards were definitely very low to even consider marrying me.

          • Kendall August 24, 2016 at 22:23 Reply

            I married my husband before reading RadFem literature, let me tell you, it has not been an easy or fun transition for him to have a wife go from liberal feminism (aka him not being held accountable for anything) to radical feminism in a little over a year, hahaha!

            • Francois Tremblay August 24, 2016 at 22:31 Reply

              It is unfortunate that he doesn’t realize what a great change that is.

              • Kendall August 24, 2016 at 22:45 Reply

                I wouldn’t say it’s going too bad, he acknowledges that what I say is true, he has no arguments against it. It’s just he’s so protective of his ego and wants to feel like he’s a “good” guy and all that. It was really rough at first though, he became pretty resentful, I was challenging his idea of what a good man is and he did NOT like what he started realizing was the truth.

                Right now it’s a work in progress, but I told him I won’t settle for less.

                • Francois Tremblay August 24, 2016 at 22:55

                  Oh dear, attacking a man’s ego… But don’t you know the only way to help feminism is by boosting men’s egos at all time? XD

  2. Kendall August 24, 2016 at 23:07 Reply

    Yes, I ended up explaining to him that no, feminism isn’t here to make him feel good, that it’s actually here to do the opposite ;) and that he can either catch up with me or be left behind.

    • Francois Tremblay August 24, 2016 at 23:24 Reply

      That’s not fair. What about men getting cookies for basic human decency? All men love getting cookies! You’re taking away the cookie stream! You’re some kind of anti-cookies bigot!

      • Kendall August 24, 2016 at 23:49 Reply

        It’s actually a ploy, dear Francois. You see if we raise the standard for cookies, men will get significantly less and women will get much more…. I’m a big fan of cookies, so obviously I want to maximize the amount I get.

        • Francois Tremblay August 25, 2016 at 15:02 Reply

          Seriously though, it is possible to convert a guy. After all, I did. But I’ve always been more eager to change my mind on things than most people. If he acknowledges that the arguments are true but refuses to convert, then it’s an emotional resistance, which is a lot harder to get over. I don’t really know what to do about that. Maybe appeal to some things he already agrees with. To me, it was the Schrodinger’s Rapist that kinda opened my eyes.

          • Kendall August 25, 2016 at 21:20 Reply

            Yeah… He says I bring it up too much when we discuss social issues, but how the heck do you NOT bring up male supremacy when it comes to what is hurting humans? >_<

            • Francois Tremblay August 25, 2016 at 22:32 Reply

              He would probably prefer that you talk about social issues in an individualistic way.

              • Kendall August 25, 2016 at 22:52 Reply

                Individualistic ways ignore what actually causes terrible things in humanity… It isn’t poverty or being physically attracted to somebody (this was what he said were the two biggest reasons) because that Ignores the reality which is that poor men are violent, not poor women. Women being physically attracted to men doesn’t make us go out and rape and sexually assault them, THAT is what men do.

  3. Francois Tremblay August 24, 2016 at 23:54 Reply

    THe MRAs WERE RIGHT… It’s a MATRIARCHAL CONSPIRACY
    Women are controlling the cookie supply behind the scenes, scheming, plotting… This is why cultural marxism mumble parental alienation mumble cock carousel mumble mumble

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