Pornography grooms boys into abusers.

I’ve discussed pornography a great deal, but mostly to talk about its deleterious effects on women and women’s rights. However, it’s important to talk about its effects on men, too. And not the current discussion of “awareness” of how pornography makes men impotent and pushes them to divorce. I don’t care about that at all, and I don’t know why this sort of discourse about pornography has taken so much importance, apart from the fact that men generally only care about issues that affect them personally and don’t give a shit about women. So it’s a purely pragmatic move. I’m not saying it’s wrong (it is true that pornography has these effects), but I won’t talk about it on this blog.

My point here is not to trot out the old bromide that “gender hurts men too.” While it is true, it is not a relevant statement. Likewise, we can say truthfully that inequality also hurts the rich, but that’s not a good reason to oppose inequality, because the rich are still privileged over everyone else. Gender may hurt men, but it doesn’t hurt their privilege, since gender is the creator of that very privilege. I just wanted to make that clear before I address the main issue.

Pornography grooms girls into self-abusers and rape victims. But there’s another side to that equation: there’s no rape victim without a rapist. Pornography grooms men into abusers and rapists. When men and women see representations of verbal and sexual violence on screen, they integrate it differently. A woman sees another woman receive violence in a medium which is supposedly a representation of sex, and she will believe that violence against women is sexy. The representations of women will make her question her own desirability.

When a man sees these same acts, he sees himself as the perpetrator. He identifies with the men who use verbal and sexual violence against women in what he believes (and has been pushed on him) as a representation of sex. So these children, who are raised on pornography from the age of 11 or earlier, are taught to equate sex with violence. Not only that, but they are taught that women love violence. And they are taught that they should want to have sex with women whose appearance fits a very narrow an unrealistic range, the implication being that those women who do not fit that range are basically worthless.

Some pornsick men argue that everyone is able to make the difference between pornography and real sex, and that therefore pornography does not serve a socializing role. But arguing that children can make the difference between pornography and real sex is silly, because there are no representations of actual sex available to them. Furthermore, as I’ve argued before, this view is based on a bizarre model of socialization which posits that there is no such thing as the subconscious, and that children somehow filter everything they see and hear through their rational faculties and are free to reject any message they wish. Such a no-subconscious model is not based on any studies or observations: it is a make-believe model, with absolutely no evidence or validity, used to support a certain victim-blaming view of the world (if you’ve been socialized in a certain way, it’s because you really wanted it and accepted it consciously).

We already know from an entire generation of young women what the result of this indoctrination is. They report that young men are pressuring them to perform pornographic acts. They report that young women are dressing in a more and more pornographic manner. They are seeing a growing incidence of STDs and injuries caused by unsafe sex in young women. These are all factual things happening today thanks to a generation raised by pornography from the youngest age.

We usually talk about grooming from the point of view of an abuser grooming a young child into accepting sexual abuse. This is what pornographers (and the pornographic elements of the mainstream media), grown men, are doing to young girls. But the grooming of young boys is one of reproducing their abuse patterns. Due to the testimonies of countless pornography actresses, we know for a fact that pornographers abuse and exploit women’s sexuality routinely, and they are teaching generations of boys to do the same in their own way. It is an inter-generational repetition of abuse.

The end result is that, while heterosexual men could have sex lives that fulfill both themselves and their partner’s needs, they end up pornsick, unable to get turned on by their partners, unable to be intimate or have sex, dependent on pornography. And this ends up hurting the people around them. Furthermore, women who complain about the use of pornography publicly are told by “expert” men that they should shut up and watch pornography with their partner in order to save their relationship. Or to put it another way: women should get cozy with the system that pushes for their abuse. This is nothing new for women. But women don’t deserve this shit. What women deserve is a world where men are socialized using models of healthy sexual relationships. Not pornography. Any man who says otherwise is a pornsick asshole who deserves nothing but public ridicule. They are no “experts” at all.

Humans are social animals. We’re born to mimic. We figure out what’s expected of us by observing others in the same role. Our children are taught how to be sexual beings by an industry dedicated to making money by creating and deepening addiction to violent imagery. The end result will be a generation of men who don’t know how to love and a generation of women for whom sexual abuse is routine. The damage is done, but we need to pull the emergency cord right now to prevent this from happening to future generations as well.

The support for pornography is not only anti-women, but it is also anti-children. No one deserves to be stunted sexually because of an industry. No one deserves to grow up to be abused. No one deserves to grow up to be an abuser. If you support pornography, then what you’re saying is that you don’t give a shit about children. You can’t claim to care about children, ensuring that they have the best childhood possible, believing that all children should be raised in a healthy environment, and at the same time raise them to be abused or abusers.

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20 thoughts on “Pornography grooms boys into abusers.

  1. Sundazed December 21, 2016 at 00:49 Reply

    Splendid post.
    I’ve been twisting my brain around this issue for quite some time but never managed to get the words right to describe the issue. You did that well here my friend.
    This post is very important.

    thank you.

  2. Sundazed December 21, 2016 at 01:13 Reply

    I forgot to address that you write in this post about how we humans socialise and how we mimic our surroundings to a great deal to learn our behaviours.

    There is a book that came out in the 70s called Four Arguments For The Elimination Of Television written by a man name Jerry Mander.
    I can’t stress enough how valuable that book as been to me to fully understand the impact moving images in general have on our overall behaviours and perception of reality.
    It also goes into great detail how television as a technology further detaches us from the real, natural world and makes us further disconnected to this planet.

    Can highly recommend it to anyone who want a deep and insightful book on this phenomena and I can assure one will never look at technology such as television the same again.
    An its a book that is probably more important and relevant than ever.

    • Francois Tremblay December 21, 2016 at 01:43 Reply

      Thank you for your nice comments. I agree that we need to criticize television and communications technologies in general, and how we basically let anyone write content for it which influences the way we see the world. However, I can’t help but also see such criticism as part of the eternal criticism of new technologies as being innately nefarious.

      • Sundazed December 21, 2016 at 03:49 Reply

        yeah that is though the wonder of that book. Its not so much just critiquing technology as a whole. Its going deep into the effects moving images have on human behaviour and, just as you wrote yourself, a huge part of how we humans learn behaviour are through mimicking others.
        Today most of us are taught this stuff through television (or internet as an extension). So why I brought it up here is that I think its a book that in great detail explain very easily (and logical if I may say so) the impacts moving images in general has on us and I just connected it to the harm porn has, as you explain very well in this post.
        And I’m happy you put focus on us men in this post. We need to start talking about this among ourselves. Its long overdue.

        • Francois Tremblay December 21, 2016 at 03:53 Reply

          “And I’m happy you put focus on us men in this post. We need to start talking about this among ourselves.”

          Absolutely. I welcome other ideas on how to do that.

  3. darthtimon December 21, 2016 at 05:34 Reply

    Very well said. Porn creates a horribly distorted view of sex and intimacy. As a man, I am guilty of watching porn. Has it damaged me? I can’t say. I don’t want my daughter thinking it’s the norm though.

    • Francois Tremblay December 21, 2016 at 05:38 Reply

      Yes, it probably did damage you in some form. Either way, whether it did or not, you couldn’t tell the difference anyway because your sense of what’s normal has shifted somewhat. As for your daughter, well, there’s nothing much you can do about it, because she will be exposed to it. All you can do is teach her media literacy, critical thinking, and hope she doesn’t fall prey to the scam.

    • Sundazed December 21, 2016 at 07:39 Reply

      I think it do something to all of us who have consumed (or still consume) porn.
      As a former porn user, I noticed on my path away from it that one key aspect that it affected me was how images from porn had replaced my own imagination and fantasies and that images could pop in the most bizarre situations where having thoughts of sex or so was so far from what I was actually thinking about.
      What I Mean is that I could for example see a woman sitting in a park and without me even thinking up popped an image of her in some “porny position”. This was truly disturbing and a reason, when I became aware of this, why I had to quit to use it (one of many reasons I might add).
      From there I started reading up on everything from porn addiction to feminist critique of porn and with all this new knowledge I guided myself out of it.

      It took me a great deal of working on this to get this “undone”. But I noticed that it can be worked on. And the damage done can be reversed I believe. I however wish so much that porn had not existed in the first place.

      • Francois Tremblay December 21, 2016 at 18:48 Reply

        Good for you! Reversing any addiction, including an addiction to pornography, is a challenge. Of course it would be better if the damn thing didn’t exist in the first place. There is no redeeming value to pornography, no benefit it can give anyone. All it does is reprogram people and damage men’s ability to be empathetic towards women.

        • Sundazed December 21, 2016 at 23:48 Reply

          I agree fully with what you say. It has nothing of value to give you, nothing at all.
          It lowers ones ability to have healthy sexual fantasises. It lowers one ability to behave ‘socially competent’ around women.
          Oh not too mention the “dudebro language” porn invokes. By which I mean men in group can often have a “porny language” when for example a woman walks by and one or two of the men in the group start talking about her in porny ways–usually they start commenting on what they had wanted to do with her that is usually sounding like a scene from a pornset–which makes the other men either tag in or at least start giggling/laughing to be cool.

          Ugh. I get annoyed and irritated just thinking about these negative aspects that porn invokes.

  4. Gender Rebel XY (@GenderRebel42) December 24, 2016 at 16:11 Reply

    I discovered porn around age 12. I had serious problem from that age through my teenage years (mostly gay porn, some straight — fantasising about being the girl). Around 15-16, I started participating in cybersex chatrooms (both gay and in straight ones, pretending to be a girl). Then, at 18, I started taking photos with my partner and doing transgender camming. Over the next few years, I met many trans girls in the Industry. A large number of my friends (nearly all of my trans friends) were in porn and/or prostitution — so it became almost normalised.

    But that hypersexualisation from either side is not healthy. It really makes it difficult to have healthy relationships. I pretty much cannot have platonic male friends. Your self-esteem, feeling like a valuable person, is all wrapped up in making yourself sexually appealing to men.

    There are so many men (and, increasingly, women) watching porn and becoming damaged as a result. Many girls (trans or biological) enter the Industry, get chewed up and spit out in less than a year. They can be outed, stalked, and harassed. It’s seriously dysfunctional and destroying the relationship between the sexes as people are reduced to their ability to meet a pornified gender ideal.

    I liked sex and I still like sex but porn and prostitution aren’t sex, they’re violence — destructive to the individual and to society.

    • Francois Tremblay December 24, 2016 at 17:08 Reply

      Pornography is becoming a huge social problem. I’m glad you were able to see through the pretenses and realize what it does to people. Thank you for telling your story. We need more people who reject pornography to speak up, definitely.

  5. Darryl Walker Jr December 30, 2016 at 19:27 Reply

    Great post! You did an excellent job discussing pornography and the adverse impact it has on both women and men. I love the work of Andrea Dworkin and McKinnon in this area. Pornography is essentially an advertisement for patriarchy. Pornography reduces women to mere objects – and even moreso, it focuses only on specific regions of the body. It teaches that sex is nothing more than mounting and thrusting – thus presenting a very limited and desensitized view of what intercourse can be. Good work!

  6. The Laughable Cheese December 31, 2016 at 20:53 Reply

    What if a person is gay for instance but trapped in a straight marriage? I know people are like, well that is just repressing themselves. But still this sort of thing can happen, esp if they are just bi enough to make it work and just wanted the normal life. Well then this sexual outlet may be something keeping them and their lives together.

    You mention on a comment somewhere that porn probably did damage to them but they’d not be aware of it, cause their perception shifts. That is a big subject. Everything could be shifting us all the time, and whether it is good or bad would be very complicated to answer, especially when we can’t see how we are being shifted.

    Women watch porn sometimes, and they read porn of course. But there is no mention here of them at all and what this is possibly doing to relationships with men?
    Men have more sex drive stuff called testosterone, which if that is why they watch more porn, then that is not really something that they can help. And it is just some physical thing that makes them different. And so there will be differences in how they handle sex.

    There could be a reason ‘subconsciously,’ as to why right now people are watching porn that victimizes women. Just a thought there. All media that exists right now, while it is also likely that there are all sorts of agendas, but either way the media that exists is what has had to sell, which is what people are asking for.
    According to the school of life, their opinion on sexuality is that people play out the roles that they don’t feel they really have in their lives. So people who crave power and dominance in the bedroom, do so then perhaps because that is what they feel they lack.

    • Francois Tremblay January 1, 2017 at 01:29 Reply

      Yea… I’m sorry but I don’t buy any of these rationalizations. Studies are very clear on the result of watching pornography in the long-term. Men do not need to watch pornography for any biological reason. And fetishes/role-playing do not pop out of a psychological vacuum.

      • The Laughable Cheese January 5, 2017 at 09:57 Reply

        well. you may be right. i did look up porn studies on wiki and they did say, few researchers explore potential benefits or positive aspects of pornography.” so if only people who want to prove pornography are bad are the ones performing the studies, there could be biased results. And it also mentioned that there were issues in the qualities of studies as well.

        But anyway, I did read around on the internet a little on what some of these studies were saying and can see there is something there.

        On another note though, porn is bought up because people crave feeling good. So in that sense it is similar to anything else someone does to feel good. Put on more of a jacket then needed in the winter, or turn on a heater, (this comes to mind due to the weather lately), or indulging in a food for the aspect of taste. They all weaken us in some way. Everytime we do anything in order to release dopamine in our brain as the signature reason.
        And so by that token, it seems like that supports a sort of Quaker like lifestyle, where enjoyment is considered negative.

        • The Laughable Cheese January 5, 2017 at 10:15 Reply

          anyway actually i do agree that hardcore porn is harmful, (mainly just feel that way about it intuitively though. Also the reason different people are attracted to it could be different. anyways,
          In the older days men had pin ups. Which I think were much more tasteful, and weren’t in ones face, but it was subtle, and hinted at that.
          And it is my personal opinion that that would not be so harmful.

          But also the porn argument about how it represents violence to women is akin to whether or not to show violence and does it make people violent?
          Cause I had heard (a while back) that sometimes violent games or movies can give people an outlet so they won’t take out their violence on people.

        • Francois Tremblay January 5, 2017 at 15:34 Reply

          Yeah… no. Women being abused and raped is not the same as extracting a few more joules of energy. Stop with the false comparisons already.

  7. Huzaifa February 15, 2017 at 15:27 Reply

    Very well said….Much love ☺

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