The ultimate PUA guide?

From Something Awful: How to PICK UP ANY WOMAN YOU WANT ANY TIME YOU WANT!

If you see a hot broad wandering around by herself in a public location, that means she’s a prime target for your advanced PUA skills and if any police officers beg to differ, remind them about a certain document… perhaps you’ve heard of it… it’s called “The Constitution” and promises the pursuit of happiness and he is illegally impeding you which is punishable by Head Judge of Courts. Approach the target wearing casual camouflage netting and throw a rock at her head that says “UR UGLY. PROBABLY FAT. WANT 2 EAT & SEA A MOVIE?” The target, now negged, will feel bashful and stupid (as is the typical female’s reaction), and she will agree to your date.

Take her to the most expensive restaurant, something that has all lowercase letters in its name and intentionally lacks the necessary vowels to form an actual complete word. Demand she pay for the entire meal because she’s wasting your precious time you could’ve been spending leveling up an elf at home on your computer. Then when she asks what movie you’re taking her to see, reply “oh it’s a movie you’ll never forget, trust me.” Then laugh maniacally. Make sure the lighting is below your face so you look extra psychotic (psychosis makes womens’ loins wet with pleasure).

As you lead the woman down a twisting 13-mile trek through a portion of woods full of stones and boulders, eventually ask her “who’s your favorite actor?” (pretend like you care). She will inevitably say “The Rock,” because women are all superficial bitches who are obsessed with money and muscles and wealth and strength and bad boys. Reply “well you’re in luck, because you’re about to meet The Rock!” Then beat her with a stick until she passes out and you can have your way with her because when she wakes up you tell her it was just a dream and she owes you money for the movie tickets you were forced to purchase because she was too lazy to wake up.

2 thoughts on “The ultimate PUA guide?

  1. zsan February 13, 2017 at 09:17 Reply

    Is this a parody or real? Anyway, PUA is one of the reasons why every woman needs to avoid guys who mark themselves with different Greek letters (alpha, beta, omega, etc.) like the plague – these are categories developed for animals by biologists. Same “avoid like the plague” tactic for any unkempt, frustrated loser who either whines and plays the pity party 24/7, or communicates like a pre-schooler.

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