A new MRA tract: Befeministed!

Through a watch blog which will remain unnamed, I’ve learned that MRAs are planning to release their own line of Chick Tracts. The first, Befeministed!, concerns the Evil Matriarchal Conspiracy and its attempts to corrupt the world, and seems to be heavily based on the Chick Tract Bewitched!. I’ve managed to find my way to a draft of the script. Enjoy.

***

BEFEMINISTED!

Panel 1: Andrea Dworkin is sitting on a throne covered in yonis and fire. She is laughing and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on a television embedded in the back wall. Behind her is a yoni on fire on a stick.
1. DWORKIN: Wonderful! Such a successful show! Such an effective vehicle for our message!

Panel 2: A demon speaks to Dworkin from behind the flames of the throne.
2. DEMON: Why are those old re-runs so important, Mistress?
3. DWORKIN: Because, you dumbass bitch, that show made the “strong woman” archetype more popular than ever, pushing forward our agenda that women are superior to men!

Panel 3: Dworkin is sitting at the end of a long glass table. On each side, her lieutenants are sitting, wearing dark cloaks.
4. DWORKIN: Now, I want a status report from all branches of the Matriarchy!

Panel 4: Cloaked lieutenant #1 speaks, with drawings of men crying all around her.
5. LIEUTENANT #1: False Rape Accusations have gone up 27%! The media is stirring more and more trouble against men for rapes they didn’t commit! Soon women will believe that all men are potential rapists!
6. DWORKIN (OFF): Exccccellent.

Panel 5: Cloaked lieutenant #2 speaks, with drawings of dresses and lipstick all around her.
7. LIEUTENANT #2: The sissification of males is proceeding at an accelerated pace, thanks to the trans lobby! All opposition has been crushed! Very soon now, men will be completely emasculated!

Panel 6: Cloaked lieutenant #3 speaks, standing in front of a graph connecting handsome men with fat, unkempt women.
8. LIEUTENANT #3: Thanks to the sexual revolution and the fall of the family, the cock carousel is in full operation! Fat acceptance has led to even the ugliest of women being able to have sex with alpha males, leaving a large proportion of men sexually dissatisfied!

Panel 7: Cloaked lieutenant #3 is laughing.
9. DWORKIN (OFF): And this has led to an increase in male violence?
10. LIEUTENANT #3: Absolutely. Frustrated men are performing more and more mass shootings, which are then blamed in men instead of the women who unjustly refuse them sex! Men will soon be completely discredited!
11. LIEUTENANT (OFF): Brilliant!
12. LIEUTENANT (OFF): Great strategy!

Panel 8: Cloaked lieutenant #4 speaks, with drawings of notes and books all around her.
13. DWORKIN (OFF): What about our Cultural Marxism division?
14. LIEUTENANT #4: Sales of romance novels, which give women false expectations, are on the rise! We’ve also gotten Kathleen Hanna to start another band. Her music will spread more radical feminism amongst women!

Panel 9: Cloaked lieutenant #5 speaks.
15. DWORKIN (OFF): Last but not least, the abortions department!
16. LIEUTENANT #5: Abortions are on the rise! Women have the freedom to kill their babies, making them no longer dependent on men!

Panel 10: Dworkin sits at the head of the table, overlooking her lieutenants.
17. DWORKIN: It seems like everything is a resounding success. Are there any issues that need to be resolved?
18. LIEUTENANT #3: Yes, mistress! I have a serious case!

Panel 11: We see lieutenant #3’s face, speaking.
19. LIEUTENANT #3: I have a teenage girl named Ashley. She wants to get married and have children!

Panel 12: We see Dworkin’s face, speaking.
20. DWORKIN: We need to make an example out of her! Does she have a strong divorced mother who denigrates her father at every opportunity?

Panel 13: We see lieutenant #3’s face, speaking.
21. LIEUTENANT #3: Yes, but it’s not enough! She still clings to old ideas. We need a show of force!
22. DWORKIN (OFF): Deploy our best agents! We must nip this in the bud.

Panel 14: Ashley is lying on her bed, holding herself up by her elbows, reading a magazine. Her bedroom looks like a typical teenage girl’s room. How the fuck should I know what that’s like? Lots of pink and posters of horses, I guess.
23. ASHLEY: He’s so dreamy… I hope I can marry a guy like that some day. A cute guy with washboard abs…

Panel 15: Two demons appear in the bedroom, to the side of her bed. They whisper to her while she reads the magazine.
24. DEMON #1: Ashley… the penis is evil, the gun is good!
25. DEMON #2: Ashley… get a boyfriend and falsely accuse him of rape so you can receive money and admiration from our corrupt society!

Panel 16: Ashley perks to attention, throwing the magazine aside.
26. ASHLEY: I see the truth now… All sex is rape! Men are just disposable containers for sperm… all men must die, but not before we steal their precious fluids!

Panel 17: Ashley gets off her bed, standing with her arms raised.
27. ASHLEY: I’ve come a long way baby! All sex is rape! Rosie the Riveter killed modern democracy and I can do it too!

Panel 18: Paul Elam and Stefan Molyneux, both wearing fedoras, heroically crash through the bedroom window and roll on the floor towards Ashley, who is startled.
28. ASHLEY: EEEEK!

Panel 19: The two MRAs are now standing in a heroic pose. Light rays shine from their head (see maoposter1.jpg). The cowardly cow Ashley cowers in front of these two intellectual giants.
29. PAUL ELAM: We got a Matriarchy Alert on our cell phone!
30. STEFAN MOLYNEUX: There’s an app for that now, bitch! The free market rules!

Panel 20: Focus on the heads of the two MRAs, with the light rays still shining. They are happy to propagate the correct beliefs to adopt against the Matriarchy’s evil grip.
31. PAUL ELAM: You’re a stupid cunt and you deserve to die! Stop withholding sex from worthy men! But if you have sex, you’re a whore! Stop being a whore, cunt!
32. STEFAN MOLYNEUX: It’s stupid girls like you who grow up to be the mothers who turn an entire generation of boys into criminals, moochers and statists! Abandon your family now, you FOO-L!

Panel 21: Focus on the eyes of the MRAs. Their pupils now form hypnotizing spirals.
33. ELAM AND MOLYNEUX: JOIN US, JOIN US! WE LOVE WOMEN, WE RESPECT WOMEN, UNLIKE THE EVIL FEMINAZIS, THOSE STUPID BITCH WHORE SLUTS!

Panel 22: Ashley is relaxed and happy. The two MRAs are red-faced from exertion and look unhappy from being exposed to a female human being for this long.
34. ASHLEY: You’re so right! I get it now! It’s in my class interest to fight against feminism, because feminism is oppressing men, who are responsible for everything good in society!

Panel 23: The two MRAs are scrabbling their way back out of the window.
35: PAUL ELAM: You finally got it, bitch! You might be one of the smart ones! Most feminazis will never get it.
36: STEFAN MOLYNEUX: It’s a universally preferable behavior to do whatever the fuck I say, you irrational woman!

Panel 24: Ashley is standing and looking at the reader.
37: ASHLEY: Thank you, noble MRAs, for showing me the error of my ways! I’m a worthless cunt! From now on, I will always attack women as a class in the name of extreme individualism and a non-existing matriarchy!

Panel 25: Our standard tract ending.
FEMINISM WILL LEAD TO OUR RUIN!
If we let feminists win, Arabs will rape all the women and destroy our rights!
Is that what YOU want?
If you trust Men’s Rights as the salvation of the Western world, you have just taken the Red Pill and begun to see the Truth ™. Now:
1. Knock yourself upside the head to lower your IQ as close to mental retardation as possible.
2. Harass women on the Internet, in the streets, at home, anywhere you can!
3. Go on Reddit and whine with your fellow MRAs about how evil the feminazis are, but don’t do any actual activism to resolve the problems men are having!
4. Argle bargle!
________________
Here’s help to grow as a new MRA! Read Why Women Are Such Evil Cunts, by Paul Elam, available at all decrepit/morally bankrupt bookstores. Also read the fictional series MRA, by W.F. Prissy, for a scathing exposé of life in our modern matriarchies.

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