Mocking how stories require heroes to have dead wives and/or children.

From Point and Clickbait: Hero Struggles For Motivation As Wife And Daughter Remain Safe And Healthy

Local hero Grit Bladesworn is reportedly struggling with a good excuse to undertake his personal journey, as his wife and young daughter remain in excellent health and in no immediate danger of being killed or kidnapped.

Sources close to Bladesworn suggest that the hero, who has a three-act character arc ready to go and keeps his stubble at perfect brooding protagonist length at all times, is beginning to grow frustrated at the stubborn health and happiness of the women in his life.

“I even moved my whole family out to a tiny cottage in the woods, surrounded by monsters and only two days ride away from the Dark Kingdom,” muttered an irritated Bladesworn as he stared out across the fields of his well-tended and unprotected farm.

“Something should have attacked months ago, according to my calculations. My wife should be dead and my daughter kidnapped, but instead they’re both alive and well. I don’t understand what I did wrong.”

Observers report that Bladesworn was last seen distractedly playing with his daughter near the edge of the forest, his eyes darting constantly to the shadows in the undergrowth in the hope that some foul beast would appear.

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