“Sorry sir, but we only sell zorgles here.”

Customer enters the store and walks up to the counter.

CUSTOMER: ‘ello guv, I’d like some cheese.
WORKER: Sorry sir, but we only sell zorgles here.
CUSTOMER: Ey? What’s a zorgle?
WORKER: A zorgle is, well, whatever you think is a zorgle, sir.
CUSTOMER: I have not the faintest idea what is or is not a zorgle.
WORKER: It’s quite simple: whatever you think is a zorgle, is a zorgle.
CUSTOMER: So it’s a thing…
WORKER: Quite so.
CUSTOMER: … but what kind of thing?
WORKER: Whatever kind of thing you think it is.
CUSTOMER: Now listen here. How can I know what you sell if you won’t tell me what it is?
WORKER: But I told you what it is, sir. It is what you think it is. If you think something is a zorgle, it’s a zorgle.
CUSTOMER: Well, I think cheese is a zorgle.
WORKER: That is your prerogative, sir.
CUSTOMER: Then give me some cheese.
WORKER: Ah, I’m afraid that’s not possible, sir. You see, the store doesn’t think cheese is a zorgle. So we don’t keep that in stock.
CUSTOMER: What? But you said a zorgle was whatever I thought was a zorgle.
WORKER: Quite, quite, but the same is true for us too. Whatever we think is a zorgle, is a zorgle, nothing more nothing less. So we keep in stock what we define as a zorgle.
CUSTOMER: And what do you define as a zorgle?
WORKER: Why, what we think is a zorgle, of course.
CUSTOMER: But that doesn’t tell me what you actually sell.
WORKER: Why sir, we sell zorgles. This is a zorgle store. Didn’t you see the sign?
CUSTOMER: But that’s not… what… this is… you can’t define something by using itself! That’s circular!
WORKER: Circular, sir? No, zorgles are not circular at all, at least in my mind, sir.
CUSTOMER: That’s not what I-
WORKER: (interrupting) But the shape actually has nothing to do with it at all. You see, whatever we think is a zorgle, is a zorgle, regardless of shape. It’s really that simple.
CUSTOMER: Who would open such a preposterous store? A store that sells whatever you think about! That’s the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever heard of!
WORKER: (icily) I surely do not appreciate your tone of voice. We provide a great service to the community, sir. I would rather you didn’t speak ill of our illustrious owner.
CUSTOMER: And who is this moronic owner?
WORKER: Why, it’s you, of course!
CUSTOMER: Me? ME? I’m afraid you are quite insane.
WORKER: Not at all, sir. The zorgle is a part of all of us. And you are the owner just as much as anyone else.
CUSTOMER: What is this, Eastern philosophy for dummies? You are quite raving mad.
WORKER: I assure you not, sir. I am quite sane.
CUSTOMER: Well, I’ve had quite enough of this nonsense. Goodbye.
WORKER: Sir! Wait!
CUSTOMER: What is it now?
WORKER: Didn’t you come here to buy something?
CUSTOMER: Yes. I wanted cheese.
WORKER: Oh, we don’t have that, sir. But try something else.
CUSTOMER: (sighs) Fine. Do you have any cigarettes?
WORKER: No, no cigarettes.
CUSTOMER: A rabbit?
WORKER: I’m afraid that’s for the pet shop, sir.
CUSTOMER: Raincoat?
WORKER: No windbreakers, no.
CUSTOMER: Windshield wipers?
WORKER: Let me look… oh no, it’s Tuesday, so we don’t have any.
CUSTOMER: Calipers?
WORKER: What did you say?
CUSTOMER: Calipers.
WORKER: Oh no, we don’t have that.
CUSTOMER: Mangerators?
WORKER: Yes, we have those.
CUSTOMER: But I just made it up!
WORKER: Ah. I see, sir. Well then in that case we don’t have any.
CUSTOMER: Well what DO you have?
WORKER: Zorgles, sir.
CUSTOMER: But what are zorgles?
WORKER: We’ve already been through that, sir.
CUSTOMER: Aaaaaaaaaargh!
WORKER: Your frustration is rather offensive, sir. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
CUSTOMER: Why should I leave? You’re the one who’s being unhelpful! You are the most unhelpful man I’ve ever had to deal with!
WORKER: You’re assuming I identify as a man, sir. You are actually incorrect. I identify as a zorglist. It’s a new gender promoted by the LGBTQIAPK2SAA community.
CUSTOMER: What’s a zorglist?
WORKER: A zorglist is someone who sells zorgles.
CUSTOMER: Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!!! *Customer starts to trash the store*

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