“If I Lost a Finger…”

If I lost a finger
Due to some misfortune
If I had four fingers and not five
I would surely do well and survive

I’d identify as Mickey Mouse
Because Mickey Mouse has four fingers

Oh, if my skin was green
Due to some misfortune
If my skin was green and not pale pink
I would probably do well, I think

I’d identify as a lizard
Because all lizards have greenish skin

Oh, if I lost a leg
Due to some misfortune
If I had one leg and not two
I would have the same life that I knew

I’d identify as a pogo stick
Because pogo sticks have just one leg

If I lost both my legs
Due to some misfortune
If I had no more legs, none at all
It may not really be my downfall

I’d identify as a flatworm
Because flatworms have no legs at all

If I lost all my hair
Due to some misfortune
If I was totally shiny bald
I would not be specially appalled

I’d identify as a black hole
Because black holes have no hair at all

If I lost my penis
Due to some misfortune
If I was cleanly, neatly dickless
I would not then be anything less

I’d identify as a woman
Because women don’t have a penis

So you see, the lesson here is that
Biology is shite, science is subjective
You are what you identify as.

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