Why be pro-HIV?

Why be pro-HIV?
By Dr. Dexter Sexsmith
Senior Researcher, Institute of Baraminology

The concept of being pro-HIV may seem bizarre, because our secular media does not recognize the glory of God in all its multifarious incarnations. Indeed, we have all been told that the HIV must be eradicated. This attitude is reminiscent of the Nazi propaganda deployed against Jews. Like Jews, the HIV is a “vermin” which will kill everything good and virtuous unless we can “cleanse” ourselves of it. After much prayer, I write to you now to speak the Biblical truth about the HIV.

The Bible is clear on this point: that our Lord God created all forms of life on this planet, including the HIV. Indeed, it seems very probable that God had a special plan for the HIV, as it has for humans and many other living things. God certainly did not plan for a human to have forcible intercourse with a monkey and to coercively move the HIV to human bodies. You can be quite sure that there was no human-monkey sexual congress in God’s plan. This subordination of God’s perfect order is no doubt another demonstration of man’s sinful nature.

You can be sure that the killing of the HIV is an act of murder against a perfect life that God has created. The Bible is clear on this also: thou shalt not murder. A malignant Papist might reply that the HIV also commits murder against humans. But this is a misunderstanding of nature. Indeed, most animals do not have free will and operate only under God’s perfect plan. The HIV does not seek to kill humans, it only seeks to do the Lord’s work that is within its own capacities and abilities. And so it is incontrovertibly clear that killing the HIV is an act of murder.

The secular world wants you to believe that we, Biblical literalists who acknowledge that all life is of equal worth, value the HIV more than we value human beings. This is absolutely incorrect and betrays a mind focused on the World instead of our Lord. What a load of poppycock! Our goal should be the preservation of all life, especially that of humans, because humans were made in the image of God. But being made in the image of God and having free will, we also have a corresponding duty to follow God’s rules, including the duty to not murder other life-forms. Indeed, that duty is what distinguishes us from lower life-forms, including Papists.

I hope that, by this point, you are convinced that killing the HIV is an act of murder (the premeditated killing of an innocent life). No doubt you surely will have further objections. I will answer those I can foresee and, God willing, you will be able to answer any remaining questions through prayer and fasting.

You may object that the murder of the HIV is permissible because it is only performed when a human life is threatened. This betrays a shameful misunderstanding of the legal ramifications of our secular society’s disdain for life. Indeed, the murder of the HIV is legal at any time, even when a human life is not threatened. Indeed, so-called “laboratories” (repositories of God’s wrath) perform murder on the HIV when it is not even contained within a human vehicle. The inexorable fact remains that no murder of the HIV is justified, whether it is contained in a human vehicle or not. Imagine if we valued human lives based on whether they were riding automobiles or not, and justified the murder of humans because they were located in automobiles at the time of the murder! It would be funny, if it wasn’t exactly the same as laughing in God’s very face. And God will not be mocked.

You may object that, as human beings with free will, we should have the “freedom of choice” to commit murder or not. You can be sure that this concept is a humanist invention designed to cover their depravity. “Freedom of choice” indeed! While it is true that Almighty God did specially create human beings so they could choose between worshipping Him and rejecting His benevolent plan for mankind, this does not mean that we, the saved, should openly permit acts of defiance against God’s will to stand unanswered. We do not have the freedom to kill other humans, and likewise we shalt not have the freedom to kill the HIV.

If the HIV, a life-form created by God, can be killed with impunity, then what’s to prevent a new Holocaust? Indeed, the Jews were seen as parasites on the body of society, much like how we see the HIV. Once you fail to respect life in some form, you will inevitably fail to respect life in all forms.

You may object that preserving the HIV goes against our human rights, that people who are afflicted with AIDS are too badly off. But the real solution to this problem is to accommodate people with AIDS better, not the wholesale murder of the HIV. There is no reason why we cannot live in peace with the HIV, if we have the will to do so. You can be sure that nothing is impossible when God is on your side, and you can take that to the bank. We at the Institute of Baraminology have been able to accomplish things that the secular World claimed were impossible. All that was required were will to succeed, unyielding faith, and hard work. Together we can ensure that people with AIDS can lead a fulfilling life while honoring God’s perfect creation.

You may object that the HIV is not a person, while human beings are. Yet the HIV is able to move about, communicate with each other, and accomplish goals, like all other life-forms. That’s more than you can say about your average Papist!

It is regrettable that human beings, even amongst the saved, are using the murder of the HIV to cover up for their sexual transgressions (such as two men lying with each other, which according to the Bible is an abomination, even if they are in separate sleeping bags). What is really needed here is not to allow the murder of the HIV, but to hold humans accountable for their sexual transgressions. No right-thinking Christian shalt allow such perversion to remain unanswered.

I call upon all right-thinking Christians to stop endorsing the wholesale, cold-blooded murder of the HIV.
I call upon all right-thinking Christians to condemn the “doctors” who perform this wholesale, cold-blooded murder.
I call upon all right-thinking Christians to stop this wholesale, cold-blooded murder, BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost!

I thank you for your attention. God be with you.

If you liked this satire, also see Welcome to our new research assistants!, another entry set in the Institute of Baraminology.

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