The author of this post has asked to remain anonymous.
“I have to wonder how many teenage girls first learn about anal sex via rape, as I did.
Normalizing anal sex only increases the already heightened pressure on girls to perform sex acts which have very little to do with love. The problem with being “sex positive” is that it is not the same as being love positive; it is not positive at all, when it comes to feelings, feelings which for adult women are complex when it comes to sex, and which for teenage girls who are forming a personal and sexual identity during an impressionable time of life particularly should not be navigated lightly. Yet that is exactly what articles like this aim to do: normalize “kink” and extreme sex acts for teenage girls–and teenage boys–a population for whom necking and dry-humping with someone you like, someone who is also learning, should still be the height of excitement.
I was raped by my much-older boyfriend as a teenager, and I didn’t call it rape for years, because I didn’t know a person could be raped by someone she was in a sexual relationship with. I didn’t know anything about “grooming,” or what that meant, even as it was happening to me; I had never received any sort of education about consent, or about sexual respect, boundaries, or about how to look out for myself in a world full of men who cared little for my humanity but a lot for what they could do to my body. Imagine how much harder it will be for teen girls to identify rape by boyfriends in a world in which they are supposed to be “the cool girl?”
For all those who love anal sex, I’m so happy for you. I suppose you have not experienced anal rape on more than one occasion, as I have. I also suppose you have not been coerced into it on other occasions. I guess you have never had a boyfriend angrily shove his thumb up your ass because you said “no” to anal sex, and he inferred you had done it with other men but would not with him. I suppose, though, that is better than a boyfriend who rapes you with his penis for saying “no” to anal, isn’t it? Who would have thought that when I finally got the wherewithal to say “no” to something I had always found painful and degrading, I would be forced anyway, and that when I was finally old enough to know you could be raped by someone you were sleeping with, it wouldn’t matter anyway?
I feel quite certain more girls are anally raped now than ever before, because of porn, and that more men feel more entitled to do that to a woman who says no, because articles such as this in a publication like Teen Vogue tell them that girls and women are being unreasonable when they make this sex act off-limits.
FTR, my most recent rapist ex apparently has preferred anal since he was a teenager, which means he has been coercing girls and women for a long time. It was quite clear it was all about “conquering,” about regaining power after perceived rejection, with him. For other men, it was also clearly about this kind of power, the rush they got from coercing and degrading a woman (or, for some, the validation and acceptance they felt in her complete surrender), as well as the desire to “own” every part of a woman’s body; for a few it was merely about entitlement, which is an expression of power in and of itself, a power which is arrogantly assumed rather than one which is violently sought.
More power to you, anal-lovers. I’m so glad you survived your adolescence and young womanhood thus far unscathed, and don’t have to do any of the tough kind of soul-searching of trying to figure out just *what it is about me* without veering into victim-blaming territory. If only my sex life were as easy for me as “enjoying or not enjoying anal.”
Really cool, I like this writer! How do I see more of her work? There is no link.
I don’t know if she wants her writings to be public. I will mention this comment and she’ll probably reply to you one way or the other.
She has asked to not be made public. I apologize.
I can understand the author’s unwillingness to have her writing be publicly identified. Verbal harassment and threats of extreme physical violence by transgenders to lesbians (and anyone who does not support the erasure of women as biologically distinct human beings) are now commonplace. I probably should be posting anonymously as well.
This is unfortunately true. However, it’s mostly because I don’t want my full name associated with my history of repeated rape (my full name was up before, therefore easy to find this entry by Googling; I have also taken my name off my WordPress blog).
At least, not until the day I decide to write about my experience and what I have learned about sexuality and about violence and about men and women, and publish it. Until then, people really don’t understand why someone could be raped so many times, and they would judge me, not my assailants (it’s also not necessarily something I want people just Googling my name and knowing…again, until I decide to write and publish a book about it).
Thanks for your support (and the link to the original article)! :)
Hi, Amy! I’m glad you liked my writing.
Here is a longer essay on the same subject:
When I am twenty-six years old I have a boyfriend named Daisuke. He asks me about it once—one time only—and I say, “I don’t do that anymore.”
I don’t go into detail. I don’t talk about my first time, with the first person I ever let inside me, when I was seventeen, someone persuasive, someone I should never have slept with. How one morning, in the shower, when I thought Jesse was in the kitchen making breakfast, I found myself pushed up against the wall, his hand on the back of my neck. How much it hurt, how I bit down hard on my tongue, and saw stars, and lost consciousness for a few seconds from the pain of it; how I didn’t cry out, because the pain and surprise had robbed me of my voice. I don’t describe for my boyfriend how eerily quiet Jesse was, for such a big man, stripping off his clothes and stepping into the shower behind me, as I rubbed shampoo into my hair; how he didn’t make a sound throughout, both of us on silent like the world had hit the mute button during the violent act that left me bleeding.
I don’t tell Daisuke how I always gave in to anal sex, out of love, when boyfriends wheedled and whined. I also don’t tell him how out of all the rapes and assaults—followed on subways, backed into corners at nightclubs, grabbed at work, touched at the movie theater, menaced backstage on opening night, preyed on while drunk, while asleep, while sick and alone, bedridden in a low-budget guesthouse in a foreign country—the other one that hurt the most involved this particular act: my best friend’s sometime-hookup, casual love interest, current crush, tried to stick it in my ass, before he took the easy way in, leaving me to worry for a month that I was pregnant.
I don’t tell my boyfriend how during that incident I came to, naked, on all fours, in pitch blackness except for the watery streetlight filtering in from outside, and heard a voice (not me! It couldn’t be me!), a pathetic whimper: Stop, it hurts. It hurts, it hurts. Stop, stop. How Eddie had walked me home “for safety,” that weekend night my best friend was out of town, just days after a huge fight that I didn’t know about, between the two of them. I don’t tell Daisuke how ashamed I felt, in the morning, recollecting the beginning of the night—when Eddie had come alone into the bar where I worked—how, already smashed, like everyone else, every night, on shots bought by coworkers, by end-of-shift patrons who showed up just to buy the summer girls drinks, I had run up to him, giggling, flirtatious, and put my hand on his shoulder: “Eddie!” And thinking back over the incident how I felt the shame leak through my body, recalling his early-evening words to me when I touched his shoulder, spoken in that low, dark voice, cast my way with a mean side-eye: I’m going to fuck you in the ass.
I don’t tell Daisuke how I’d laughed it off, drunk, gone off with someone else. How Eddie hadn’t—forgotten—he’d nursed his beer and his hatred all night, kept his slope-shouldered crick-necked bar-slump side-eye shined my way, and when everyone else had left he had come over, all friendly, to buy me more drinks.
That school year, August ‘07 to May of ‘08, began with a man named Genghis, at the end of my first night out in a long while—a studious student, then—taking me by the arm despite my feeble protests and steering me into a cab. An act that unleashed a barrage of memories, every instance of violence I had never talked about: my first love Efrain’s hands around my throat, his hard punches on my arms, where the bruises wouldn’t show. The men who had touched me, fondled me, groped me, harassed me, forced me, used me, first at age ten, six if you count the jovial, red-bearded Bill and his gifts of panties and kisses on the mouth. All those memories going off like a bomb in my brain until I decided at some point I wanted one of them to kill me, began going out looking for the meanest asshole around. Eric, Erik, Ben, Mike. Some whose names I don’t remember, others I never knew. In the end they were all too cowardly; once soothed, the dark ache, they were done with me.
Sipping drinks on the Flag Brew patio with Eddie, as I began the long slow slide toward a black-out, that weekend night of summer ’08, that year in which all I wanted was for someone to take me home and kill me, I remember thinking, it’s so nice he’s treating me like a friend.
And in the morning, waking up where he’d left me, head by the door, stretched out on the wood of my living room floor. Lying on my back, my first thought: I had a flashback dream. About Eddie, of all people. How strange. Looking down at my naked body, seeing the small hairs on my belly flashing gold in the sunlight through the picture window. The weight of shame, the weight of guilt, keeping me home all day, rooted to the landing midway between floors curled up in a ball with my head in my hands, keeping me away from the pharmacy, a pill to put my mind at ease, away from the police station, not even thinking about reporting, not after what happened the last time. When I agreed to let him walk me home I forgot he said that, that awful thing; how could I have forgotten that? I kind of flirted with him, didn’t I, when I put my hand on his shoulder? He must have thought I wanted it.
I don’t tell Daisuke how, not long later, after burying that incident down deep in a dark hole and graduating with honors, I got involved with Jay, a creep who made disparaging, objectifying remarks about my body in private, couldn’t stop looking around to see who was checking me out in public. Who, because he was recently divorced and, in his own words, “afraid of vaginas,” wanted only that; and I gave it to him. How sick it made me feel inside, at a time in my life in which I was falling in love for the first time with a woman, working hard, saving up to go abroad, learning a new sport. Bursting with manic energy, frantically busy in my desire to forget what I remembered every time I walked through the creep’s door and had that kind of sex with him again.
I don’t tell Daisuke any of this. I don’t tell him I have decided to love myself more than boyfriends. That I have decided some things I need to keep back. I have every right to say no, never again, to not offer up this painful symbol of male obsession with conquering every inch of my body. I do not tell him that it does not mean I don’t love him the way I loved other men. I just say, “I don’t do that anymore.”
One weekend Daisuke and I take a trip to Japan’s Mie prefecture. We rent a cabin with an outdoor shower. The second morning, as we shower together, Daisuke jams his thumb inside that delicate part of me, hard, then walks away, grabbing his towel off the stall door and wrapping it around his waist, slim back stiff as he retreats.
I breathe in the smell of wet wood planks, feel them beneath my toes. How happy I was, how pleasant it felt, the two of us showering together in what I thought was friendly silence. Sharp smell of sun on wet wood, salt tang of the ocean. I look down at my white feet against the dark wood planks and I don’t understand anything.
I finish showering, and we go down to the beach together, where I endure a day of Daisuke’s jokes about women’s bodies and beachwear until I finally tell him to shut up. I hurt, all that day, and all the next; and that night, at sunset, as Daisuke lights sparklers on the beach, waving them around like wands, I bury my face in my hands and cry.
“Carmen, what is wrong?” Daisuke kneels in front of me, holding a sparkler that’s burning down fast. “What is wrong? What is wrong?” He pulls me to my feet. “There is a man making balloons, doing magic tricks and telling jokes. Let’s go see.”
We drift sadly along the beach, settle in behind the families. I sit down, gingerly, by my boyfriend’s side, as he holds my hand, and watch as a fantastic man juggles objects while scrambling atop two barrels on a high bench, and spins enormous balloon animals for the children’s enjoyment. Listen as my boyfriend translates his silly jokes, and laugh, feeling not like one of the adults but like one of those children, some of whom still have a little snot running down from their noses too. Daylight tears that disappear, slowly into the fading sky: a harsh word, a sudden fall, a sibling destroying a carefully constructed sand castle, all forgiven, all forgotten, in the magic of the entertainer’s glow.
In the morning, when I open my eyes, my first thought is, he raped me.
Some mornings, it is phrased slightly differently: Rapist. That rapist. A tinge of spite to it, one that doesn’t make me cry. It’s not a thought I want to hold up to the light and polish. I don’t lie with it, touch myself feverishly, compulsively, the way Robert touched me both times, before he did it.
Robert, my most recent boyfriend, I did tell. I told him everything, everything that had happened. I told him why I didn’t want to do it, that in fact it meant I loved him more, by loving myself enough to know I did not want to do that again.
I ignored all the signs, because I was lonely; because, at age thirty-two, nothing had really changed. How, though I had detailed to Robert my ideas about sexual ethics before we ever met, over chat, and he had agreed with me at the time, and agreed to take things slowly, he had pressured me on our first date to have sex, asking and asking after each no until I said yes.
I ignored how Robert told me, callously, that when we met he had felt disappointed because he thought I must have tricked him somehow, with padded bras, in my online pictures. How gloriously, happily surprised he had been when it was revealed I had been wearing a tank top under my long-sleeved shirt, to flatten and deemphasize my breasts; how he had “slept with me anyway,” despite thinking I might be small-breasted, as if doing me a favor, that first night that he had begged and pushed for sex.
I ignored the pressure of Robert’s attentions. I ignored the sudden surge of his alcoholism. The way he drew away after coming so close, how hard he pulled my hair during sex, his first violation—how horrified he felt at himself, while forgetting to apologize. I ignored the increasing demands for sexual favors, the pressure, his roughness—choking, spanking, harder hair-pulling—his lack of asking. I ignored each way in which he took advantage of my trust to exploit my weakness until the weekend two weeks after we broke up, when he came over to my apartment and raped me.
And I ignored it again, when I went back to him, after the police report, after the months of pain when I tried, wounded, misguided, to reach out to him, in long missives. Ignored his past cruelty, when I believed him again, when, having worn out other women, he was lonely, and asked to come back to me, pressuring me again for sex, admitting as he did how horrible he was, for pressuring me, that he should “respect my wishes,” and then doing it again. Asking me didn’t I miss it—sex, with him—even as I said, if we were ever to try to be in each other’s lives, we would have start out as friends.
I went back to him. Not even hoping he had changed but hoping I had been wrong the first time. That this man, with whom I had fallen in love, in whom I’d placed my trust, who told me he was “not like all the other guys,” he was himself, an individual, not an abuser, that he had just made a mistake. I had made a mistake. It had all been one huge misunderstanding.
Even with all his roughness, his coercion and occasional lack of asking, while together he would always ask before he touched me there, stop if I said stop. When I told him to stop asking for that kind of sex at all, he anxiously said that he would.
“We don’t have to do that now, or ever. I promise I’ll stop asking.”
Two weeks after he broke up with me, he came over to my apartment and did it anyway.
Months after that, a week and a half before my thirty-third birthday, in a pitch-black room on a leaky air mattress, watery light of the streetlamp filtering through the blinds, his hand pushed down on the small of my back, Robert begins to touch me there again, without asking.
He inserts his penis, moans, softly, pulls out for a minute, thrusts in thumb and forefinger, and there it is, that pathetic whimpering: Stop. Ouch.
Silent now, after my stop, as they all have been—as if there might be something slightly indecorous about moaning, given what’s happening; some unspoken agreement that this is rape and it’s a grim business—Robert inserts his penis again, the weight of his body on top of me. His arms around me pinion mine, tighter than he’s ever held me.
He starts to pull my hair. Stops himself. Caresses it.
Suddenly, I am running down the street. I am not here, anymore, beneath his weight, the weight of my former lover, abuser, rapist, as he does the one thing I’ve asked him not to do. He ignores my pain, my face pressed down, my faint cries. I am not here. Not for him any more than for myself.
I am not in him either—the point of view I have sometimes preferred, to imagine myself the man doing the raping, and how it must feel to him, when he is doing it—I am not here for this oddly intimate act, this inversion of love, this tender hatred. I am running down the street, out the door and bam, gone, I am giddy because he does not own me anymore. Because by doing it again he has owned up to what he’s done and I take no more responsibility for him.
I feel no more guilt for hurting his feelings. I am trying to love that poor woman who spent a month of her first year back in Tucson curled up in the fetal position. I am trying to love that young woman who curled up one night, on her way home from the bar, in a parking lot in Flagstaff in the dead of winter, and cried for an hour. I am trying to love that girl curled up at night in the park grass, nineteen years old and living in the Phoenix suburbs with her violent boyfriend. I am trying to love these people and feel enraged at their pain, and the men who inflicted it upon them. Not judge these girls, these women, for how pathetic it is that they have been victims, that they have felt responsible for others’ actions, felt deserving of their punishment, and worthless. I am not going to feel guilty ever again for hurting the men who felt entitled to lash out when they could not own what was never theirs to keep.
All the names they knew me by were never mine. Carmelita. Mamen. Karumen-chan.
I am flowing out the windows, light and free. I am not even in the room when he asks me, Are you okay, Carmen? Carmen, are you okay?
Hello, unabashed Carmen. I lived in central Phoenix from 2005 to 2014, and now live in the northernmost edge of the city.
You write well. Everything holds together, which is unusual when women write of abuse and violation. (I am not complaining, just observing.) You have a strong narrative voice.
Bright Star brought back memories that your original post did not. I am a widow. I had a brief, sad marriage. My deceased husband was disabled, and accidentally or intentionally killed himself at age 45, at home in our bed. When we met, I pursued him. He had already given up on life, after his disabling injury. At the beginning of our relationship, he only wanted anal sex. This puzzled me. I felt inadequate and ashamed. It was infrequent, and he wasn’t rough, but I rarely enjoyed it. After several months together, he told me he loved me. From then on, we had regular sex only, which made me happy. We married. One night, I expressed an interest in anal sex, of my own free will. My husband looked shocked. He hugged me and said that he wouldn’t ever do that to me, because it would hurt me and possibly injure me. The implications were obvious then, and still are. I put this out of my mind for 12 years, until tonight, when I read Bright Star. Thank you for helping me remember. Some of my survivor’s guilt is eased.
For anyone who questions the reality and legitimacy of this post, here is an archived link to the Teen Vogue article http://archive.is/HeGQ7 I did not provide the original URL, because I don’t want to give Teen Vogue the benefit of ad revenue-generating traffic from their harmful, misogynist article.
Biologically authentic XX chromosome females are not even referred to as women. Instead, the nihilist verbiage of “vagina owners” is used to denote girls and women.
The diagrams of the human female reproductive tract include–and label–every major anatomical structure with one exception, the clitoris, yet mainstream media derided objections to this Teen Vogue article as being due to a conservative backlash. Despite failing to include the clitoris in the diagrams and discussion of this sex act that women supposedly enjoy, NBC actually praised the article, see here https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/teen-vogue-s-guide-anal-sex-spawns-backlash-n784411 for:
In 1994 I wrote to psychiatrist Dr.Linnea Smith about my experience and the harms of pornography. She wrote me back a very nice note and thanked me for my important efforts to educate people on the harms of porn. She said it’s especially difficult because the public is desensitzed and the media is reluctant to criticize other media especially sexually explicit media. She sent me two huge folders full of important information on the harms including Playboy cartoons of women being sexually harassed in the workplace by their male bosses! and promoted,and normalized child sex abuse for decades!
One of the many things she sent me was a transcribed lecture by psychiatrist and law professor Dr.Park Elliott Dietz, and this lecture was given before the National Conference of State Legislators on August 5 1986 and was videotaped by C-Span. Dr. Dietz served as a commissioner on the Attorney General’s Commission on Pornography. He was professor of law,professor of Behavioral Medicine and Psychiatry,and Medical Director of The Institute of Law,Psychiatry and Medical Director of The Institute of Law,Psychiatry and Public Policy at The University of Virginia School of Law and School of Medicine. He gave many examples of women and children’s testimonies who were sexually abused by men who used pornography,and also women who were sexually harassed on the job with pornographic pictures hung up on the walls and shown to them.
He said he only used a small sample of the 1000’s of women and children who testified. He says many times that pornography is a health problem and human rights issue and he said one of the reasons is because so much of it teaches false,misleading,and even dangerous information about human sexuality. This is what he said a person would learn about sexuality from pornography, “A person who learned about human sexuality in the “adults only” pornography outlets of America would be a person,who had never conceived of a man and woman marrying or even falling in love before having intercourse,who had never conceived of two people making love in privacy without guilt or fear of discovery,who had never conceived of tender foreplay,who had never conceived of vaginal intercourse with ejaculation during intromission,and who had never conceived of procreation as a purpose of sexual union., Instead,such a person would be one who had learned that sex at home meant sex with one’s children,stepchildren,parents,stepparents,siblings,cousins,nephews,nieces,aunts,uncles,and pets,and with neighbors,milkmen,plumbers,salesmen,burglars,and peepers,who had learned that people take off their clothes and have sex within the first 5 minutes of meeting one another,who had learned to misjudge the percentage of women who prepare for sex by shaving their pubic hair,having their breasts,buttocks or legs tattooed,having their nipples or labia pierced,or donning leather,latex,rubber,or childlike costumes,who had learned to misjudge the proportion of men who prepare for sex by having their genitals or nipples pierced,wearing women’s clothing,or growing breasts.
Who had learned that about 1 out of 5 sexual encounters involves spanking,whipping,fighting,wrestling,tying,chaining,gagging,or torture,who had learned that more than 1 in 10 sexual acts involves a party of more than 2, who had learned that the purpose of ejaculation is that of soiling the mouths,faces,breasts,abdomens,backs,and food at which it’s always aimed,who had learned that body cavities were designed for the insertion of foreign objects,who had learned that the anus was a genital to be licked and penetrated,who had learned that urine and excrement are erotic materials,who had learned that the instruments of sex are chemicals,handcuffs,gags,hoods,restraints,harnesses,police badges,knives,guns,whips,paddles,toilets,diapers,enema bags,inflatable rubber women,and disembodied vaginas,breasts,and penises,who had learned that except with the children,where secrecy was required,photographers and cameras were supposed to be present to capture the action so that it could be spread abroad.
He also said, If these were the only adverse consequences of pornography,the most straightforward remedy would be to provide factually accurate information on human sexuality to people before they are exposed to pornography,if only we could agree on what that information is,on who should provide it to the many children whose parents are incapable of doing so,and on effective and acceptable means by which to ensure that exposure not precede education. In the absence of such a remedy,the probable consequences in this area alone are sufficient to support recommendations that would reduce the dissemination of that pornography which teaches false,misleading or dangerous information about human sexuality. And these are not the only adverse consequences of pornography.
He also gives examples of how there have been people who have been injured or died with bondage gear. He then says before he gives more examples and research,that pornography is a health problem and human rights issue because it increases the probability that members of the exposed population will acquire attitudes that are detrimental to the physical and mental health of both those exposed and those around them,pornography is a health problem and human rights issue because it is used as an instrument of sexual abuse and sexual harassment.
And look where we are now! They and the other sick,woman-hating,pornography influenced reviewers are actually proving Dr.Gail Dines and other anti-pornography educators like you are so right in how they have been so influenced and desensitized by the sexualized,normalized, and eroticized, extremely sexist,sick,dehumanizing,violent,cruel horrendous typical pornography that has been so unjustly,and wrongly mainstreamed that she describes in painfully extensive disturbing details! It’s clear that users who love this horrendous extremely sick,sexist,degrading,cruel,violent,horrendous sh** don’t want the truth about it to be recognized and they don’t want to stop using it! That is why they deny the reality of pornography and defend it! And as Gail Dines and others have so rightfully pointed out the average that boys watch online pornography is frighteningly age 11 and some even younger!
Twisting Masculinity by Gabe Deem who was damaged by his long time pornography use since he was about 12,talks about how pornography is twisting couples ideas of what’s normal,young women and teen girlspressured into anal (sh*thole)sex
Health Researchers Find Teen Girls Forced To Do Anal Sex
Anal sex study reveals climate of ‘coercion’
A study on why teenage heterosexual couples may engage in anal sex has revealed a climate of coercion, with consent and mutuality not always a priority for the boys who are trying to persuade girls into having it. Researchers at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine interviewed 130 teenagers aged 16-18 in three sites across the country to “explore expectations, experiences and circumstances of anal sex among young people”.
Definition of the anus, a place in the body where solid waste(shit) comes out.
Definition of the birth canal,the vagina where babies,incomprehensibly including men,are born from.
Definition of sodomy,it includes anal (shithole sex)
In 2009, sexist,woman-hating #1 Sex columnist in America Dan Savage says to a woman who’s husband is pressuring her to have anal (shthole ) sex,and she tried it and doesn’t like it and that it’s (understandably) painful,that he’s not going to let off the anal hook just yet.He does say that if she really doesn’t like it her husband should accept that but that she has to let him greive for the as he’s not getting and if he’s monogamous he’s never going to have. He not surprisingly also promotes pornography.
A poster called, the whole truth said there’s this common myth that straight women
like anal ever since porn shifted to mostly anal.Porn women get paid to have anal.
Real life women do anal for two reasons:
1.their guy thinks they have a loose p*ssy
2.they think if they don’t do it he’ll dump them.
They then said,The anus/rectum is for excreting waste.If it was pleasurable everyone would
be getting off every time they had a bowel movement.
And a doctor posted as Dr.Doctor as # 153 said he’s done many rectal
surgeries said he’s made quite a bit of money off of people due to their
anal sex habits. First it was gay men.And then the internet came into being
and then all of the sudden more and more straight people were doing anal
because porn became more anal focused in the 1990’s and it has stayed that
way for some reason.And he said and all the talk of anal on the net as well.
A gastroenterologist also posted that at least 25% of his patients still have both solid and liquid feces (sh*t) inside their rectums even after they took the medicine that cleans them out for the colonoscopy!
And many people were saying it’s obvious that the anus is not a place to have sex and is just a place for germmy sh*t to come out of.
Poster # 102 echizen_kurage said,Sheesh Dan,we get it already.You think
female genitals are icky.POINT TAKEN. Now if you could stop making those sly
little digs at vaginas(and by extension,at those of us who have them) that
would be awesome.This same poster posts as # 106 to another poster some_d00d
saying to him,that Dan Savage frequently expresses distaste for the female
genitals, by calling them butt menses so when he implies that the vagina is hygienically equivalent to the rectum,I think it’s safe to assume there’s a certain amount of
anti-vagina sentiment involved.
Below is what I posted in response.
It’s really something that as much as most men worship their penises,(most
heterosexual men are gay,they hate women for no rational reasons,they exclude women from everything,the whole male dominated sexist,gender dived,gender stereotyped ,woman-hating society is one big male club,they prefer men in everything except f*cking women,and they discriminate against women for 1,000’s of years)they want to stick it in the most germ
contaminated place in the human body!
Most men would probably fck a mini toilet with sht in it if it served their penis pleasure.Actually every time they have shthole sex they arefcking a mini toilet!
Also a poster on here said that Dan Savage often puts down women’s genitals
so he is a common woman-hating heterosexual guy who worships his penis and
just likes to use women’s vaginas to serve and please his penis that he worships.
Also Pulitzer prize winning Science writer Natalie Angier explained in her best selling book,Woman An Intimate Geography that gynecologist Sharon Hillier says that even though there is a common unfortunate myth in our society that women’s vaginas are “dirty” in fact a normal healthy vagina is the cleanest space in the body and it’s much cleaner than the mouth and much much cleaner than the rectum.The vagina,unless it has an infection,has healthy bacteria in it,called lactobacilli the same healthy bacteria that is in yogurt.
Dr.Hillier says that a healthy vagina is as clean and pure as a carton of yogurt.We don’t sht out of our vaginas! Babies are conceived in and born out of the birth canal which is the vagina,the vagina isn’t a hole or opening but because of pornography that is boys and men incorrectly see it,and they equate it with the rectum and shthole,,it’s a very important passage way that has an opening so sperm can go through it up into the womb and fertilize the egg,and then the full developed baby is born out of vaginas from the womb,including incomprehensibly,typical woman-hating men.Babies are not conceived in and born out of shtholes,and unlike the vagina,has unhealthy,contaminated sht germs from sh*t coming out of it every day all of our lives!
Also in 1994 there was a major sex survey from around the country and people could answer anonymously and only about 1% of straight people said shthole sex was something they wanted to do or did and liked doing.Most surveys,studies and testimonies from women say they don’t like shthole sex,and many say it’s uncomfortable at the least and painful at the most.
But there are also quite a few women who have said that after their boyfriends or husbands saw women portrayed in pornography as if they want and enjoy it,and normalized and sexualized in it,and they kept pressuring them or forced them to do it and they hated it and it was painful.
Some years ago I found an online Salon.com article from 2009 and I forget the title of it and I’d really like to find it again. It was by a woman who said she can tell when one of her male lovers is a pornography user because they have sex in a very detached,unaffectionate mechanical way. And she said her boyfriend was jack hammering away.In this article was a sex educator who contributes to I think an erotic site for women Babeland.
And she said that men have been imitating pornography for years.And she said that in 2008 Babeland took a big poll of women and asked them what are the myths pornography teaches men about women and sex. in the comments a guy said what is it with this slapping and choking women in porn videos now?
And another guy said why do all of the women in pornography have shaved genitals,he said I mean isn’t that what separates women from little girls,and he said is it supposed to be little girls getting l*yed? He then said there are a lot of psychologically messed up things going on in pornography. EL. James watched a lot of online typical hardcore pornography which research shows is usually because of a male partner,and she wrote her books from what she saw,and was taught to her as “normal” and “sexy”! She also admits she based on the sexist,woma-hating,male dominance,abusive Twlight movies and books.
The Babeland poll said,That women get orgasms from penetration, that women like to have semen on their faces,that anal(sh*thole!) sex is sexy and that women like very big penises. Isn’t it that something screwed up,that these are EXACTLY the damaging lies,myths and distortions that E.L James writes,promotes,normalizes, and reinforces in her horrible sexist, woman-hating,sexualizing,& eroticizing men’s violence against women books!
Here is a great September 2016 important article from The Medical Institute For Sexual Health by Dr.Freda Bush and she explains how commonly she has young women even 18 year old’s,tell her their boy friends want to have anal sex,and that it’s painful for them,and they want to know how to tolerate it,and some say they do it to remain virgins until marriage. She tells them that it’s painful because the anus was designed as an exit for waste,not an entrance,but the vagina was made for intercourse for procreation to happen.She mentions that so many young people are exposed to pornography as a factor,and a guy Randy in the comments says that men like it because it’s tighter for them and gives pleasure to them not women,and he agrees that pornography is a big factor.
Pornography is extremely sexist and woman-hating and it teaches and normalizes sick distortions of women,men and sexuality,and it sexualizes male supremacy,sexist gender inequality,male dominance,women’s subordination and submission to men,,male supremacy objectification and dehumanization of women as only sex objects to be used,ejaculated all over,and disgarded, for men,often calls women woman-hating names like sl*ts,bit**es,and whores and even male violence! And now we have the very sick,violent,sexist,woman-hating written version of it that is so messed up,disturbingly,and depressingly popular with women,Fifty Shades Of Grey!
And because it sexualizes and normalizes all of these sick things and sexist injustices, and has been wrongly mainstreamed and made acceptable in a sexist sick woman-hating male dominated society,that created and normalized it in the first place,more women are sadly disturbingly being influenced to think this is what normal hetrosexuality is,and it teaches men that this is what women want and like, and that they want to be treated by them this way!
Many men who used to use pornography when they were younger who are now anti-pornography anti-sexist anti-male violence educators include, former all star high school football player Jackson Katz who wrote the great important book,The Macho Paradox How Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help and he writes about how pornography sexualizes men’s power,woman hatred,sexual objectification and dehumanization and subordination of women,and this is all connected to male violence,and gender inequality,and how the pornography industry has sold this woman-hatred and men’s power as normal and liberating to the public.
Therapist Russ Funk who is a anti-racist,anti-sexist,anti-male violence educator has written books and articles on this as well and he had a chapter ,What Pornography Says About Me(n) in the book,Not For Sale:Feminists Resisting Prostitution & Pornography in which he said that when he used pornography he saw all women as just f***able even women he saw in classes,business colleagues and women on the street .He said being committed to justice and using pornography is inherently contradictory,because one can not look at others as fully equal,empowered,dynamic human beings if one is also looking at them through the pornographic gaze.
He also did a presentation in 2006 at The Center For Women Children and Families,Pornography What’s The Harm? On his site it describes 3 workshops he presents to people on the harms of pornography.He also wrote a book in 1993,Stopping Rape:A Challenge For Men and he includes pornography as one of the causes of rape culture.
And Robert Jensen has written great articles and his important book,Getting Off Pornography And The End Of Masculinity.And Dr.Michael Flood’s recent report is great too.John Stoltenberg’s excellent 1989 book,Refusing To Be A Man Essays On Sex and Justice that consists of brilliant important speeches he made from the late 70’s -the late 80’s also discusses how pornography eroticizes and sexualizes male supremacy, sexism,woman hatred,violence,male dominance and female submission and subordination of women,and makes it feel and seem like sex to people and even makes sexism necessary for some people to have sexual feelings and arousal,keeps it this way, makes it the reality that people believe is true, and keeps people from knowing any other possibility.He co-founded Men Against Pornography In New York.
Paul Kivel who is the founder of The Oakland Men’s Project in California who has been a long time anti-sexist,anti-racist,anti-male violence educator,also wrote about how harmful and sexist pornography is in his great important 1999 book,Boys Will Be Men Raising Our Sons For COURAGE,CARING,and COMMUNITY.
He writes that it is not surprising that an industry worth billions of dollars a year,which may be bigger than the record and movie industries combined,has developed many ways to justify it’s existence and insinuate itself into mainstream male culture.
Paul then says that there are several books that describe in detail the harm pornography does to men as well as to women.He says these books listed in the bibliography,also contain descriptions of the pornography industry’s efforts to suppress and disrupt people organizing against it.The books he lists are,Men Confront Pornography edited by Michael S.Kimmel,Making Violence Sexy:Feminist Views On Pornography by Dianna E.H.Russell,and Pornography:The Production and Consumption Of Inequality by Gail Dines et.al.
Paul also says in this book that talking to another adult can also help you decide if this is a situation in which you want to forbid the presence of porn in your house or if you just want to make it clear to your son how you fell about pornography but will let him decide what to do with the magazines or videos he has.He says in either case,it’s important to find out your son’s thoughts about pornography .He then says he may no little about the industry,it’s exploitation in the production of pornography,or the effects on women,men,and their relationships when men use it.He says it might be useful,if you have the stomach for it,to look through some of the material with him and talk about what you see.
Brooklyn College psychology professor Dr.Robert Brannon was a co-chair with Phylis B.Frank for 20 years from 1990 of The New York NOW’s Task Force on the harms of pornography,trafficking, and prostitution and he is co-founder of NOMAS National Organization For Men Against Sexism and he;s the organization’s group leader of their Task Force on prostitution and pornography.There is also an excellent recent report by pro-feminist Australian gender studies and sociology professor Dr.Michael Flood,The Harms Of Pornography Exposure Among Children And Young People and he also includes a lot of great research studies about the effects on adult users.He explains that Adults also show an increase in behavioral aggression following exposure to pornography including non-violent or violent depictions of sexual activity (but not nudity) with stronger effects for violent pornography.He has a lot of researchers as references.
Dr.Flood also then explains that in studies of pornography use in everyday life,men who are high frequency users of pornography and men who use ‘hardcore’,violent, or rape pornography are more likely than others to report that they would rape or sexually harass a woman if they knew they could get away with it.And they are more likely to actually perpetrate sexual coercion and aggression.His reference for this is studies by psychologist Neil Malamuth et al 2000.Dr.Flood also says that perhaps the most troubling impact of pornography on children and young people is it’s influence on sexual violence. And he then says that a wide range of studies of the effects of pornography have been conducted among young people age 18-25,as well as older populations.
He says across these,there is consistent and reliable evidence that exposure to pornography is related to male sexual aggression against women.This association is strongest for violent pornography and still reliable for non-violent pornography particularly for frequent users. His source is psychologist Neil Malamuth et al 2000.He also says that in experimental studies adults show significant strengthening of attitudes supportive of sexual aggression following exposure to pornography.He then says the association between pornography and rape supportive attitudes is evident as a result of exposure to both non-violent (showing consenting sexual activity) and violent pornography while the latter results in significantly greater increase in violence-supportive attitudes.He also says exposure to sexually violent material increases male viewers acceptance of rape myths and erodes their empathy for victims of violence.
His source for this is Allen et al 1995.He explains adults also show an increase in behavioral aggression following exposure to pornography including non-violent or violent depictions of sexual activity(but not nudity) with stronger effects for violent pornography.Allen et al 1995.He said in a 2010 article that in 2009 there was a major of research studies that confirmed all of this earlier research studies.
He also explains there are many studies that show that teen boys who are frequent users of pornography more often sexually harass girls and believe it’s perfectly OK to hold a girl down and force her to have sex.
Dr.Flood also says that pornography is a poor and indeed dangerous sex educator and that pornography helps to sustain young people’s adherence to sexist and unhealthy notions of sex and relationships. He says it may exacerbate violence-supportive social norms and encourage their participation in sexual abuse.
He also says that children may also be alienated as many adult women are,by the subordinating representations of women common in pornography .Dr.Flood was quoted in an online 2004 article about men becoming feminists that when he was a young guy who used pornography often,and it played a big role in his trying to guilt trip a woman into having sex when she didn’t want to. And in an online 2001 article called,Can Men Be Feminists? he talks about the good things that have changed,but then talks about the bad things that haven’t changed and some of the things he said that haven’t changed are movies that glamorize men’s sexual violence against women,and pornography that portrays girls and women only as sex objects for men. One of the things he says for men to do to become feminists,is stop using pornography and also clean the bathroom etc.
Dr.Flood also mentions in this same report that there are studies showing that while there has been very little research on pornography use in young people’s sexual relationships,studies among Swedish young women(with a mean age of 23) find for example, that there is an association between having viewed pornography( typically with a partner) and anal sex ( I say shthole sex because that is really all an anus is for,smelly contaminated sht to come out of,and there is NOTHING ”erotic” about it!!!) he says with most women finding anal sex a negative experience. His reference is Tyden et al 2001
Here is a lot of recent important information by pro-feminist sociologist and gender studies professor Dr.Michael Flood from Australia on the strong evidence that pornography is very harmful and is connected to men and boys sexual violence and harassment of girls and women and he uses a lot of research from the US too including this major December 2015 international meta-analysis,A Meta-Analysis of Pornography Consumption And Actual Acts of Sexual Aggression General Population Studies by Paul J.wright,Robert S.Takunaga and Ahsley Kraus.
Dr. Michael Flood says in this report,that he has demonstrated that there is now a very substantial evidence base with which to identify the harms of exposure to pornography,among both children and adults.He then says that those who argue that ‘the jury is still out’ on this issue ,or that ‘research on pornography’s effects is mixed’ is at best naive and at worst dishonest.
The effects of pornography use among adults and young …
What do we know about the impacts of pornography on its users’ attitudes and behaviours? In this detailed submission to a recent government enquiry, I summarise ..
Click to access Flood,%20Senate%20submission%202016_0.pdf
Inquiry into the harm being done to Australian children …
Inquiry into the harm being done to Australian children through access to pornography on the internet Submission by: Dr Michael Flood, University of Wollongong
Pornography is transforming boys’ and young men’s sexualities. It has an increasing influence on how males (and females) think and feel about sex and bodies, the …
Mark Wukas wrote in the Chicago Tribune March 21 1993 that back in 1989 research by psychologist Dr.James Check at York University’s psychology department Toronto Canada found 29% of boys indicated that pornography was the most useful source of sex information including school,parents teachers and peers.He said that to find out what children were learning from the pornography, Check devised a questionnaire that asked under what circumstances is it OK for a boy to hold a girl down and force her to have sexual intercourse. Check found that 43 percent of the boys and 16% of the girls said that holding a woman down and forcing sexual intercourse is at least maybe OK if she gets him sexually excited.His findings also found that one third of 14-year old boys and 2% of girls watch video pornography regularly.
This information was included in the two huge folders full of great information and research studies on the many harms of pornography,that feminist psychiatrist Linnea Smith sent me in early 1994. Also, Robert Jensen explains in his great important book,Getting Off:Pornography And The End Of Masculinity that whatever the genesis of the cum shot in the history of pornography we can ask why it continues.He then asks what does the cum shot mean? He says in one of the first films he watched for his study of pornography was the 1990 porn video Taboo VIII and one of the male characters offers an answer.He says that when this man refuses the request of a woman(whom he feels is a slut) to have intercourse with her he tells her,”I don’t f*ck sluts I jerk off on them.Take it or leave it.” He then ejaculates on her breasts.
Robert Jensen says that this suggests that ejaculating onto a woman is a method by which she is turned into a slut,something -not really someone-whose purpose is to be sexual with men.He then says ejaculating onto her body marks her as a “slut” which in pornography is synonymous with “woman”. He then says that that assessment was echoed by a veteran of the pornography industry ( former porn star and director Bill Margold),who told an interviewer:I’d like to really show what I believe the men want to see:violence against women.I firmly believe that we serve a purpose by showing that.The most violent we can get is the cum shot in the face.Men get off behind that,because they get even with the women they can’t have.We try to inundate the world with orgasms in the face.
Bill Morgold also said,My whole reason for being in the Industry is to satisfy the desire of the men in the world who basically don’t care for women and want to see the men in my Industry getting even with the women they couldn’t have when they were growing up.I strongly believe this,and the Industry hates me for saying it…So when we come on a woman’s face or somewhat brutalize her sexually :we’re getting even for their lost dreams.I believe this. I’ve heard audiences cheer me when I do something foul on screen.When I’ve strangled a person,or brutalized a person,the audience is cheering my action,and then when I’ve fulfilled my warped desire,the audience applauds.
Feminist anti-porn educator Sociologist Dr.Gail Dines said that many of her female students told her that their boyfriends are constantly pressuring them to the things they see in pornography,that they have seen it in the pornography and now they want to experience it in real life.She said that many young women are so desperate to have a man in their lives that they will often give in and do these things even though their instincts are telling them don’t do it.
Dr.Chyng Sun also reports that many women have told her that their boyfriends and husbands are constantly asking them to the things they have seen in pornography and they don’t want to.On quite a few message boards over the years I have seen posts by men asking women if they like to have or will let their boyfriends or husbands cum on their faces like they do in the porn videos.One women made a topic about 11 years ago called,Some Men’s Disgusting Obsession and she said her boyfriend constantly wants her to let him ejaculate on her face and she said she feels it’s disgusting and degrading and she said he watches a lot of porn videos and she knows that’s where he got the idea. A guy responded and said that a lot of young men are watching a lot of pornography on the internet today and they learn to think it’s sexy to ejaculate on a woman’s face or body.
Another guy posted on an “Adult” Site where they had advice questions and answers and he posted that he ejaculated on his girlfriend’s face and she was very angry and upset and she left him for good.But he couldn’t understand why and what he did wrong because he said his girlfriend was always wild in bed and he said he watches a lot of porn videos and all of the porn stars love facials.On LoveShack.org a guy said that he and other men he knew said that it never occurred or appealed to them to ejaculate on a woman’s face or body,only inside her vaginally,until they saw it in pornography.Many women have also said their husbands and boyfriends are pressuring them to have anal sh-thole sex after seeing women in pornography portrayed as if they love it.
Also some years ago on an advice site for teens I don’t remember the name of it,a teenage guy made a topic,asking the girls which part of their bodies is their favorite to have their boyfriends c-m on. So one teen girl said that she finds semen really gross,but if her boyfriend is acting good,sometimes she lets him ejaculate on her breasts. A teen guy says to the guy who posted the topic,dude you’ve been watching way too much porn.
Gloria Steinem: “We Need to Eroticize Equality” Big Think
There isn’t really such thing as a “masculine” and a “feminine,” says feminist icon Gloria Steinem. Because we’ve been so …
Another countless woman harmed by men using pornography! This poster Becky first says that what the market demands is that men get to fill their already too huge egos.She says that she knows that there is what she calls real animalistic,and passionate porn out there,but the majority of it IS about pain and domination,whether it is upfront about it like BDSM is or not.
She then says that she’s sure that it’s not a basic animalistic desire to cum on women’s faces which she accurately (except for the word normal,but she really meant typical which I really wish she would have said instead) says ( which is how almost all normal consenting straight porn ends) it is about dominance .
This poster Becky says that pornography constantly portraying men cumming on women’s faces and anal sex as animalistic (meaning like it’s natural) and has made men crazy about anal (sh*thole sex!) and men seeing it portrayed as very easy for a woman to do in porn she says (which I can assure you it’s not,there’s a lot of pain and blood involved unless you go turtle slow) has made men crazy about it and not understand how envasive and painful it truly is.She then says that almost all young men are wanting to do this with their woman regardless of the pain that it will cause them.
She then says that when her boyfriend asked her to do this for the first time,he did it just like he saw it in the porn,which was with a lightening fast entry assuming there will be no pain towards the woman.She then says that he had the nerve afterwards to say ”Why did you bleed,porn stars don’t bleed.”
She then says that he was convinced that what he saw in porn is what happens in real life.She says the sex industry is still at this point very much tailored towards men and it’s mostly about dominance.She then says what isn’t true,that in nature men WOULD dominate women sexually but she says that she’s sure they wouldn’t shoot them with a cum shot after every f*ck to put them down in their place,which is why Gloria Steinem is right in saying that the majority of porn is about dominance and passive resistance.She then says if these woman weren’t getting a big fat paycheck,they would not be humilated like that in real life,and they would not pretend that they are enjoying certain sex when it’s very obvious that they are in incredible amounts of pain.
She then says unfortunately men think they can go around treating women like that in real life.She then says that porn has warped young boys views of women,it is undeniable.She then says the fact that the majority of porn that is straight consensual sex is about domination in some small (we know as Gloria points out it is in a huge way!) is undeniable.
She then says that this sense of power over women’s lives subconsciously lives inside of many many men until they wake up and realize that constantly putting their women on a lower social scale sexually is wrong.Then she disappointingly says that there’s nothing wrong with dominance once in a while,but when it’s 90 % of straight porn it should make you raise an eyebrow.
I also want to mention here in relation to what Becky posted,that in the horrendous Fifty Shades of Grey book series,sadistic violent woman-hating
Christian Grey wants to in addition to him beating and torturing her with belts,canes,paddles,whips,his hands,and psychologically,sexuallly abusing her,he brutally and insanely put his fist up Ana’s a** and she of course doesn’t want him to.So the ”sweatheart” doesn’t do this,but he also wants to have sh*thole sex with her and she tells him she doesn’t want this either.
So he anally rapes her( many bad reviews have said that he vaginally rapes her more than once,and hits her when she’s pregnant in the last book),by doing it anyway and in the most sadistic,violent way,by tying her up and fcking her hard up the a** with a humongous hard penis,and it doesn’t matter that she will be in physical and emotional *agony,because she naively signed a contract that she didn’t even really understand isn’t really legal,to be used and abused as a sex object and victim only for his pleasure just like in typical pornography!
A poster on here Jerzy Kaltenberg insanely claims that BDSM is only a minority of pornography and not mainstream,they originally posted this claim in 2010(before the horrendous Fifty Shades of (HORROR!) Grey came out) but then 6 months after this post ( posts many links claiming these aren’t BDSM and are the most popular links searched by people) in response to the honest sensible poster kendra says are you kidding?
Have you ever looked at the number of viewers who have watched gang bangs and skull f****??? And then says it’s tripple the number of viewers of any other porn on most web sites.And then says that’s what she probably means by ”dominance and passivity”… that’s in hardcore porn and that makes up most of porn online.
In this February 2014 LA Times with Gloria Steinem she is asked is the portrayal of women and girls onscreen improving? Gloria says,that women still have to be younger than the guys. She says that’s a problem onscreen.She then says what she is even more worried about is pornography.She then says that pornography is about violence.Gloria then says,that the combination of the right wing suppressing sex education in schools and the availability of pornography is making pornography into sex education,and its really,really dangerous.She then says that she supports the 1st Amendment and she says she’s not going to censor people.Then she says,but [women need to say] ”I’m not going to have this in my house.” Gloria then says pornography is to women what fascist literature is to Jews.
Powerful important late 1990’s interview with feminist psychiatrist Linnea Smith on the many harms of playboy and pornography in general
Linnea Smith Interview: Part I – talkintrash.com
Linnea Smith is your average woman of the 90s. She has a satisfying family life, rewarding career in mental health and interests that include …
In this great 1990’s article feminist psychiatrist Dr.Linnea Smith talks about the large amount of research studies on the harmsd of pornography in general Playboy Magazine promoting and normalizing sexual abuse of women and children for decades.
From Feminist Psychiatrist Linnea Smith’s Excellent Site With TONS Of Great Research Studies On The Endless Harms Of Pornography including Playboy Magazine
ANOTHER LOOK AT CENTERFOLDS