The author of this post has asked to remain anonymous.
“I have to wonder how many teenage girls first learn about anal sex via rape, as I did.
Normalizing anal sex only increases the already heightened pressure on girls to perform sex acts which have very little to do with love. The problem with being “sex positive” is that it is not the same as being love positive; it is not positive at all, when it comes to feelings, feelings which for adult women are complex when it comes to sex, and which for teenage girls who are forming a personal and sexual identity during an impressionable time of life particularly should not be navigated lightly. Yet that is exactly what articles like this aim to do: normalize “kink” and extreme sex acts for teenage girls–and teenage boys–a population for whom necking and dry-humping with someone you like, someone who is also learning, should still be the height of excitement.
I was raped by my much-older boyfriend as a teenager, and I didn’t call it rape for years, because I didn’t know a person could be raped by someone she was in a sexual relationship with. I didn’t know anything about “grooming,” or what that meant, even as it was happening to me; I had never received any sort of education about consent, or about sexual respect, boundaries, or about how to look out for myself in a world full of men who cared little for my humanity but a lot for what they could do to my body. Imagine how much harder it will be for teen girls to identify rape by boyfriends in a world in which they are supposed to be “the cool girl?”
For all those who love anal sex, I’m so happy for you. I suppose you have not experienced anal rape on more than one occasion, as I have. I also suppose you have not been coerced into it on other occasions. I guess you have never had a boyfriend angrily shove his thumb up your ass because you said “no” to anal sex, and he inferred you had done it with other men but would not with him. I suppose, though, that is better than a boyfriend who rapes you with his penis for saying “no” to anal, isn’t it? Who would have thought that when I finally got the wherewithal to say “no” to something I had always found painful and degrading, I would be forced anyway, and that when I was finally old enough to know you could be raped by someone you were sleeping with, it wouldn’t matter anyway?
I feel quite certain more girls are anally raped now than ever before, because of porn, and that more men feel more entitled to do that to a woman who says no, because articles such as this in a publication like Teen Vogue tell them that girls and women are being unreasonable when they make this sex act off-limits.
FTR, my most recent rapist ex apparently has preferred anal since he was a teenager, which means he has been coercing girls and women for a long time. It was quite clear it was all about “conquering,” about regaining power after perceived rejection, with him. For other men, it was also clearly about this kind of power, the rush they got from coercing and degrading a woman (or, for some, the validation and acceptance they felt in her complete surrender), as well as the desire to “own” every part of a woman’s body; for a few it was merely about entitlement, which is an expression of power in and of itself, a power which is arrogantly assumed rather than one which is violently sought.
More power to you, anal-lovers. I’m so glad you survived your adolescence and young womanhood thus far unscathed, and don’t have to do any of the tough kind of soul-searching of trying to figure out just *what it is about me* without veering into victim-blaming territory. If only my sex life were as easy for me as “enjoying or not enjoying anal.”