Economics For Dummies: Why don’t all men become Oral Sex Specialists?

STEVEY: Welcome to this installment of Economics for Dummies, with your hosts, Stevey Lomey and Steph Ramekin. In this episode, we’re going to look at one of the mysteries of modern economics: why do most men not work as oral sex specialists?

First, let’s review the facts. The average wage per hour is around twenty-two dollars, but an oral sex specialist makes an average of sixty to eighty dollars per hour!

STEPH: That’s really high up there, on par with lawyers and financial managers at the least. I mean, we’re talking about tripling your income.

STEVEY: Exactly. And there are also other advantages to a career in oral sex. For one thing, it doesn’t require any higher education, so you skip all the costs, the time, and the studying involved with becoming a lawyer or financial manager. All the stress and the tests and the… you know? I mean, we’re both economists, so we’re familiar with all of that stress. If I had known!

[They both laugh]

STEVEY: Another advantage is that any man can do it. You know, it’s not dependent on your intelligence or your skill, really, it’s manual labor, and not much of it at that!

STEPH: And also, since we were talking about stress, it’s not a stressful job either. I mean, all you have to do is please your clientele, and that’s easy to do.

STEVEY: Exactly. So now we end up with a puzzling fact, which is that very few men work in that industry. And so as economists we have to ask ourselves: why aren’t more men involved? Why don’t more men join?

STEPH: I conducted an interview with an oral sex specialist called Richard H. to get his ideas on this.

[We switch to a recording.]

STEPH: Why do you think there aren’t more men doing what you do?

RICHARD: Um, well, I think a lot of men are afraid of getting stigmatized, you know what I mean? Like people are going to look down on them for being an oral sex specialist. It’s kinda like, uuuuh, being a male hairdresser or a male secretary, you know what I mean?

STEPH: I do know what you mean.

RICHARD: Uh okay. Anyway, sex work is a beautiful thing. It’s very empowering. As a man, the time when I feel the most empowered is when a client concludes an oral transaction. It really makes me feel like I’m making a difference in the world. Helping people.

STEPH: All right, thanks. That’s enough for the show.

RICHARD: Great, great.

STEPH: So how much do I owe you for earlier?

[We go back to the studio.]

STEPH: Um… I thought the recorder was off.

STEVEY: I think Richard made a great point here, and that’s fear. I think a lot of men refuse to do that kind of work because they fear of being seen differently by their peers. But this is the 21st century, people don’t think like that any more. Now we understand that sex work is like any other form of work. Women understand that now, but it seems like men are lagging behind.

STEPH: And you know, it’s not just about the money. As Richard pointed out, it also appeals to those of us who are less than rational and care more about non-monetary values. You really do get to help people and make a difference. And you get to do work that’s fun and with all kinds of people. There’s never a dull moment.

STEVEY: So I want to come back to the issue of why. Is it that men are simply too stupid to realize that they have such an easy job available to them? Or is it prejudice against sex work?

STEPH: I think part of the reason why women are more advanced is because they have real feminism now, which has pushed this idea that sex work is empowering. And that’s really helped women shed their prejudice and get those great jobs. Okay, so men don’t have a movement like that yet. There is men’s rights activism, but those guys have no interest in promoting sex work jobs for men. So there is an ideological vacuum there. We need male economists to talk about this and get more public attention on this issue.

STEVEY: You are so right, Steph. It is part of our job as economists to analyze economic issues dispassionately and point out irrational bias in the public at large. Such as, for instance, support for social programs, or support for corporate regulations. Everyone knows the free market is the best economic system we have. That’s where the opportunities are. For women as well as for men. Oral sex is one of the best forms of free market that we have right now, and that’s why it’s such a good opportunity.

STEPH: Now, we’re economists, so we’re not going to give up our job to become oral sex specialists. Um, it would be a waste of our education.

STEVEY: Besides, we kinda already are oral sex specialists, if you think about it. Our job and our work exists to gratify the State, making it ejaculate grant money, which is necessary for the maintenance of the intellectual class needed to run a free market.

STEPH: That’s a wonderful metaphor, Stevey. In a sense, we are all oral sex specialists.

STEVEY: Thank to all you dummies for listening. I’m Stevey Lomey…

STEPH: And I’m Steph Ramekin…

STEVEY: And this was Economics for Dummies.

(this entry was inspired by the infamous chapter in the book SuperFreakonomics where the issue of “why aren’t more women prostitutes?” is discussed)

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