Some problems of BDSM

“* subs get hurt, inevitably. this is pretty much a given entering any kind of bdsm community, it’s expected they will get hurt, thus they get a “safe word” in case they get hurt too severely, which brings me to my next point
* safe words are extremely hard to impossible to use. experience has shown that even subs confident about using their safe words, once put in a dangerous and harmful situation, couldn’t force themselves to it, and this is not subs fault. Doms will not always react kindly to a safe word when they hear it, and it risks abandonment, coldness and disappointment that would be too painful for subs to go thru
* pleasure in bdsm scenes is often derived from physical pain, injury, physical violence, humiliation, degrading behaviour, power imbalance, emotional abuse, dehumanization, control, insults and pushing the subs to the point of overwhelming their senses completely, until they’ve not able to even evaluate the damage they’re taking. This causes powerful releases of adrenaline, dopamine and endorphin – which is normal human reaction to intense pain and danger, but can be misinterpreted as pleasure in sexual situations – it also works like a drug. Participating in bdsm scene will cause addiction to those chemicals, the same way self-harming would cause one. This is a part of the reason why it’s so hard to stop doing it, and why participants fight very hard to defend it.
* Aftercare isn’t for subs to get the care they need, it’s trauma bonding. After a session of intense pain and abuse, having the same person who hurt you be the only source of comfort and safety will cause a powerful trauma-based bond, and ensure the sub’s continuous attachment to the dom, making it even harder to leave when it gets too dangerous and damaging. If the aftercare were for the sub, they would be able to get it without “earning” it by enduring a certain amount of pain and humiliation, and without sabotaging their ability to get away.
* Physical and emotional abuse during bdsm scene will have heavy psychological consequences for subs. What is true for the abuse without sex, is also true with abuse during sex, it is impossible to escape the consequences of abuse even if it’s sexualized and addictive. Damage caused during a sexual situation is even more frightening and dangerous because the person is the most vulnerable, and should not be exposed to harm in such state.
* A person’s resistance, boundaries, desires and free will should not be ignored, crushed or broken. Yet this is exactly what is being strived for in bdsm. Sub’s discomfort, resistance, unwillingness to participate in certain acts, reluctance to obey orders and asserting needs or desires of their own are viewed as obstacles to overcome, flaws that need correcting, ever heard of a term “breaking in a sub?” That’s exactly what doms do, and it’s normalized in the community. This is beneficial for doms and extremely dehumanizing and damaging for subs.
* BDSM is dangerous for abuse and trauma survivors, especially those who are already addicted to pain or need pain to cope, because they already have a hard time differentiating abuse from healthy relationship (not by their own fault!), and will be easy to convince they’re in a “safe, sane and consensual” situation when their trauma and addiction is being used against them, to keep them submissive and easy to use
* subs deserve attention, comfort and gentleness without putting themselves thru pain and being exposed to injuries, psychological damage, addiction, trauma bonding, or ptsd. However, after prolonged participation in intense, painful and violent scenes, healthy attention and no-abuse sex will no longer feel satisfying or intense enough for a period of time.
* this list is in no way meant to shame, intimidate or scare submissive participants in bdsm, and it does not come from the place of judgment, this is information I wish I had before I exposed myself to bdsm, and ended up with flashbacks and trauma symptoms.
* you should not be put in a situation where unless you have a shitton psychology knowledge you’re caught in a trap where you get hurt but you can’t even tell because it’s presented as safe and keeps you drugged into submission”

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