Category Archives: Joking and Degrading

Skippy the Skeptoid: Why This Whole Trans Thing is No Big Deal

Skippy the Skeptoid here again. Ever since Tremblay stopped writing his awful communist diatribes on this blog, he’s basically let me write my own stuff, which is great! I think this blog is a lot better now. That’s why I’ve decided to write to you again so soon.

One of the things he was going on about was this whole trans thing. Gender doesn’t exist, transwomen are men, and other “out there” things like that. I am a skeptic and I base my positions on evidence, not some weird “prime directive” philosophy. I love Star Trek, but I don’t think Tremblay really understands what the Prime Directive is. Anyway, I’m not a transphobe like he is. Okay, this whole trans thing is really blown way out of proportion.

Feminists complained about the “cotton ceiling,” an attempt by transwomen to get lesbians to have sex with them more. So what? What about MY cotton ceiling? NO woman wants to have sex with me, especially not when I try to explain to them what skepticism is all about, like how everyone is just a bunch of sheep and how playing chess is logically impossible. One woman accused me of mansplaining. That’s ridiculous. If anything, it should be humansplaining, because I am a humanist and I believe there’s no reason to single out one gender like that.

Let’s talk about the evidence. So the feminists say that we all have a biological sex and that’s what determines whether you’re a man or woman. Well that’s just silly: you can’t reduce everyone to their genitals. What about women who get hysterectomies? What about eunuchs? What about people who are XXY or XYY? There are so many ways in which your genitals or chromosomes can vary that it just makes no sense to talk about biological sex.

And yes, I know people are going to comment that it’s a fact that sexual reproduction evolved, and since I believe in evolution, I need to accept biological sex. But that’s a misunderstanding of how we skeptics understand evolution. You see, evolution is kinda like our equivalent of Jesus: we don’t care what it says, as long as we can make it say what we want it to say. Okay? If I take evolution to mean that sexual reproduction doesn’t exist, then that’s what it means. And you can’t argue against that, because it’s my interpretation, backed by all the evidence for evolution. Everything I say is backed by that evidence. Feminism basically has nothing.

Further proving my point is the clownfish, which changes “sex” whenever it needs to. I mean, this is science. Well, they do change sex just so that the female can be dominant, but you can ignore that because it doesn’t fit what I’m talking about. What you need to concentrate on is the “sex”-changing part. Transgender people are exactly like clowns. Clownfish. That’s what I wrote the first time. Shut up. Humans are exactly like clownfish in the one respect that I want them to be. It’s called an analogy, but for real.

Skepticism is simple, folks. All it means is that you have to look at the evidence. You need to prove your claims. And the claim that “biological sex exists” is simply not proven. Biological sex is not proven, therefore it is false. That’s called a fallacy of ceteris paribus in nomine. Read Carl Sagan and detect the baloney, you dopes.

Feminists are complaining that men are taking over their safe spaces. But what do they need safe spaces for? Men and women are both human, we all have flaws. Where is MY safe space from women? Women ruin skepticism with their false harassment claims. They’re ruining movies now. They’re ruining conferences. And yet you don’t see men complaining about losing their safe spaces to transmen. Now why is that? Could it be because feminists are making false accusations against transgender people for the sake of their agenda?

Physicists tell us that space is a boundless four-dimensional continuum. Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. If it’s so big and boundless, then how can you make it safe? Things will always come into it, like quarks, electrons, and lesbians. A truly scientific person would accept that and move on. But feminists are quacks who believe that women deserve equal pay. HAW HAW HAW! Haven’t they heard about a little thing called pregnancy? Hello? Women get pregnant, so you can’t pay them as much. It’s simple biology, folks.

The whole idea that men are using transgenderism to oppress women is ridiculous. When have men ever used gender-based ideologies to oppress women? It’s a bunch of fear-mongering. Women need to be pressured to have children because we need to raise the next generation of skeptics (boys, of course). Otherwise we’ll have Idiocracy and the believers in ghosts and ancient astronauts will outbreed us, creating a new society where paranormal TV shows, gift shops, and New Age bookstores will crush the scientific spirit. It’s enough to make you want to kill yourself, folks. Keep thinking logically.

Skippy the Bush Kangaroo Skeptoid

Economics For Dummies: Why don’t all men become Oral Sex Specialists?

STEVEY: Welcome to this installment of Economics for Dummies, with your hosts, Stevey Lomey and Steph Ramekin. In this episode, we’re going to look at one of the mysteries of modern economics: why do most men not work as oral sex specialists?

First, let’s review the facts. The average wage per hour is around twenty-two dollars, but an oral sex specialist makes an average of sixty to eighty dollars per hour!

STEPH: That’s really high up there, on par with lawyers and financial managers at the least. I mean, we’re talking about tripling your income.

STEVEY: Exactly. And there are also other advantages to a career in oral sex. For one thing, it doesn’t require any higher education, so you skip all the costs, the time, and the studying involved with becoming a lawyer or financial manager. All the stress and the tests and the… you know? I mean, we’re both economists, so we’re familiar with all of that stress. If I had known!

[They both laugh]

STEVEY: Another advantage is that any man can do it. You know, it’s not dependent on your intelligence or your skill, really, it’s manual labor, and not much of it at that!

STEPH: And also, since we were talking about stress, it’s not a stressful job either. I mean, all you have to do is please your clientele, and that’s easy to do.

STEVEY: Exactly. So now we end up with a puzzling fact, which is that very few men work in that industry. And so as economists we have to ask ourselves: why aren’t more men involved? Why don’t more men join?

STEPH: I conducted an interview with an oral sex specialist called Richard H. to get his ideas on this.

[We switch to a recording.]

STEPH: Why do you think there aren’t more men doing what you do?

RICHARD: Um, well, I think a lot of men are afraid of getting stigmatized, you know what I mean? Like people are going to look down on them for being an oral sex specialist. It’s kinda like, uuuuh, being a male hairdresser or a male secretary, you know what I mean?

STEPH: I do know what you mean.

RICHARD: Uh okay. Anyway, sex work is a beautiful thing. It’s very empowering. As a man, the time when I feel the most empowered is when a client concludes an oral transaction. It really makes me feel like I’m making a difference in the world. Helping people.

STEPH: All right, thanks. That’s enough for the show.

RICHARD: Great, great.

STEPH: So how much do I owe you for earlier?

[We go back to the studio.]

STEPH: Um… I thought the recorder was off.

STEVEY: I think Richard made a great point here, and that’s fear. I think a lot of men refuse to do that kind of work because they fear of being seen differently by their peers. But this is the 21st century, people don’t think like that any more. Now we understand that sex work is like any other form of work. Women understand that now, but it seems like men are lagging behind.

STEPH: And you know, it’s not just about the money. As Richard pointed out, it also appeals to those of us who are less than rational and care more about non-monetary values. You really do get to help people and make a difference. And you get to do work that’s fun and with all kinds of people. There’s never a dull moment.

STEVEY: So I want to come back to the issue of why. Is it that men are simply too stupid to realize that they have such an easy job available to them? Or is it prejudice against sex work?

STEPH: I think part of the reason why women are more advanced is because they have real feminism now, which has pushed this idea that sex work is empowering. And that’s really helped women shed their prejudice and get those great jobs. Okay, so men don’t have a movement like that yet. There is men’s rights activism, but those guys have no interest in promoting sex work jobs for men. So there is an ideological vacuum there. We need male economists to talk about this and get more public attention on this issue.

STEVEY: You are so right, Steph. It is part of our job as economists to analyze economic issues dispassionately and point out irrational bias in the public at large. Such as, for instance, support for social programs, or support for corporate regulations. Everyone knows the free market is the best economic system we have. That’s where the opportunities are. For women as well as for men. Oral sex is one of the best forms of free market that we have right now, and that’s why it’s such a good opportunity.

STEPH: Now, we’re economists, so we’re not going to give up our job to become oral sex specialists. Um, it would be a waste of our education.

STEVEY: Besides, we kinda already are oral sex specialists, if you think about it. Our job and our work exists to gratify the State, making it ejaculate grant money, which is necessary for the maintenance of the intellectual class needed to run a free market.

STEPH: That’s a wonderful metaphor, Stevey. In a sense, we are all oral sex specialists.

STEVEY: Thank to all you dummies for listening. I’m Stevey Lomey…

STEPH: And I’m Steph Ramekin…

STEVEY: And this was Economics for Dummies.

(this entry was inspired by the infamous chapter in the book SuperFreakonomics where the issue of “why aren’t more women prostitutes?” is discussed)

Humans are incapable of playing chess.

Hey, Skippy the Skeptoid again. I wrote to you before about what skepticism is all about. This time I want to talk to you about a specific issue, which should illustrate how skepticism really destroys the really dumb things that people believe without question, because people are SHEEP (for more on this, again, see my previous article). I am talking about the weird crackpot belief that humans play chess, pushed by a large chess industry headed by the quack organization FIDE (World Chess Federation, which should be WCF, not FIDE… these illiterates can’t even get acronyms right).

SCIENCE proves that this is impossible. Think about it. How could the ability to play chess evolve? Our ancestors lived in the savannah. Where there are a grand total of… ZERO chess boards. Or anything resembling chess boards. There are no natural formations of 8×8 alternating white and black squares, where natural pieces of wood in the shape of horses or crenelated towers move. At least, we’ve never seen any evidence of such formations existing, and until we do, we simply have no reason to believe in their existence (that would be an extraordinary claim, in the sense that I don’t believe it, and extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence). So how could the human brain evolve an ability to play chess, when this would have literally ZERO survival value in the savannah? Actually, if anything, you could say that the ability to play chess is counter-survival, because it would take up space in the brain that would have been better used to provide actual survival strategies, instead of an ability that serves absolutely no purpose.

Some people have argued that the ability to imagine chess moves is an extension of our ability to throw spears and anticipate trajectories. But moving a very light piece in an abstract linear manner on an unnatural board is nothing like throwing spears, which involves gravity, a moving target, a considerable weight, and so on. Anyone who would equate the two simply doesn’t understand what they’re talking about.

Another common objection is that, while we did not evolve the ability to play chess specifically, we evolved a general game-playing faculty which can be applied to any game, including Chess. But this is bizarre: games have wildly different boards and sets of rules. Chess is nothing like Go, and Go is nothing like Scrabble. How can a single faculty account for our ability to (supposedly) play all these games? And even if we did have such a faculty, why would we expect it to ever be accurate? There would be no evolutionary pressure for our game-playing ability to improve with time. How could a random process come up with the Reti opening or the Ruy Lopez Exchange Variation?

As David Hume said, a miracle cannot ever be determined to have happened because the probability is just too small to meet the burden of extraordinary evidence. The faith that some evolved process in the brain could randomly come up with valid chess strategies, without any evolutionary pressure, cannot possibly be true. So it’s total BULLS HIT (Penn and Teller, my idols, 420 my dudes I tip my fedora to you).

So what conclusion can we arrive at? Humans have evolved, so if evolution cannot explain something, that means we simply don’t have it. Humans cannot play chess. Which leads us to the question, what are so-called “chess players” really doing? Well, I will use an analogy to make this clearer. As you know, women are not evolutionary made to have sex, so when lesbians have sex, they are basically touching various body parts together until something does something. I know this because I’ve watched a lot of lesbian porn. Chess players are basically doing the same thing. They are moving pieces in accordance with whatever strikes their fancy, and the only reason why a player “wins” is by accident.

What about chess “greats,” like Kasparov? These people are basically chance outliers. There are approximately 600 million chess players in the world. That means that a few players will have an amazing 100 million-to-one chess career, like Kasparov. It’s just a random draw repeated across a large number of trials. This demonstrates how important statistics are to skepticism. Sheeple don’t understand large numbers like this, and so they think a chess player becomes “great” because of skill, when it’s just random chance. It really sickens me how ignorant people are (wish they would watch more Penn and Teller, and Carl Sagan- baloney detector kit, learn your fallacies idiots).

I keep telling people we need skepticism because of pseudo-science like this. People talk about chess constantly and yet they never realize what a huge scam it all is. I get enraged every time I hear that song One Night in Bangkok at the supermarket. This one time I went to a hobby and game store, and demanded to talk to the owner. So this old dude with a mustache came out and I was like “you do know these chess sets you sell are shit, right?” I tried to explain to him the science behind evolution and how it proves that humans can’t play chess, but he laughed at me and said he’d played chess before. What are you supposed to say to willful ignorance like that? Any idiot can SAY they’ve played chess, but that doesn’t prove ANYTHING! Your personal experience is not proof! You may claim you’ve played chess, but why don’t you try to claim James Randi’s million dollar prize? He said he wasn’t skilled enough to win a prize. Another quack peddler defeated by his own arguments. Then he kicked me out for screaming at toddlers that Jesus is not real and Christmas is a Christian holiday. FUCK! FUCKING SHIT HELL! All I’m trying to do is help the next generation free itself from the shackles of false beliefs! And this is how they repay me? Now I’m barred from this store and the fucking cops know who I am. I’m already in enough trouble from my bogus mail fraud charge as it is! Anyway, I hope you understand the need for skepticism about chess now. I have to go lie down now.

Skippy the Bush Kangaroo Skeptoid

I’m giving you a count of three!

Roger, we’ve been friends for thirty years now. I have tolerated quite a lot of your erratic behavior. I have tolerated you not repaying a loan of 10$ which I gave you when you ran out of gas. I have tolerated you speaking back to me in elevated or covertly hostile tones. I have tolerated you criticizing my family members. But now I will tolerate your behavior no longer.

Now you listen to me here! No one cares what you have to say! I tell you what to do and you will do it because I told you to! You are being very disrespectful and I am quite sick of your attitude. You had better stop this right now. I’m giving you a count of three to straighten up your act, otherwise you’re in Big Trouble! ONE… TWO…

Are you calmed down now? Can I continue, or are you gonna keep fussing? You had better listen to what I tell you, or I’ll put you in Time Out. It’s for your own good.

Yes, you gotta go to work. Why? Because I say you have to, that’s why. That’s how the world works. It’s not fair? Well, life is not fair. Get used to it. No one wants to hear your fucking whining. Everyone has to go to work and they like it! Why do you have to stick out? Do you think you’re better than everybody else?

Come over here. I said come over here! ROGER! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW! Look at me when I’m talking to you! If you keep whining, I’m not taking you to the bar any more! You’re embarrassing me! Everyone’s looking at you and your bad behavior.

I heard you’ve been misbehaving at work. Your boss told me that you said a swear word. What the fuck is wrong with you? Who taught you that? Not me. Did you get that from one of your friends? That Michael, your friend who works in Sales, is a really bad influence. I told you not to listen to him. He’s a bad person. I forbid you from seeing him any longer. Why? Because I told you to, that’s why!

I don’t know what your problem is today, but you have a bad attitude. Do you want to go in Time Out? I’m giving you five seconds to calm the fuck down.

If you’re bad, Santa Claus won’t give you any gifts this year. He’s gonna skip your house! He’s gonna think, why would I give anything to an ungrateful adult like that? Santa Claus doesn’t like bad adults, it just pisses him off. He sees everything you do. EVERYTHING. Even that one time when you stole one of my macaroons. I forgive you, but Santa doesn’t.

I have to keep you under control so you’ll be a good person in the future. It’s a hard job, you know. And how do you repay me? All you do is sit in front of the television and talk about income tax rates or health insurance premiums. Never a kind word for me, even though I’m the one who takes care of you. Of your future. Making sure you become a happy and productive member of society, instead of a whiner. I need to teach you responsibility, so you’ll be better equipped in the future.

Stop talking to Michael. He’s a bad influence on you. He’s in with the wrong crowd. I don’t care who you like. You will do what I tell you.

“Is this a man or a woman, Winston?”

“Do you remember,” he went on, “writing in your diary, ‘Freedom is the freedom to say that a transwoman is a man’?”
“Yes,” said Winston.
O’Brien held up a picture of Danielle Muscato. “Is this a man or a woman, Winston?”
“A man.”
“And if the Party says that she is not a man but a woman? Then what is she?”
“A man.”
The word ended in a gasp of pain. The needle of the dial had shot up to fifty-five. The sweat had sprung out an over Winston’s body. The air tore into his lungs and issued again in deep groans which even by clenching his teeth he could not stop. O’Brien watched him, the picture still in the air. He drew back the lever. This time the pain was only slightly eased.
“Man or woman, Winston?”
“Man.”
The needle went up to sixty. “Man or woman, Winston?”
“Woman! Woman! Woman!”
“No, Winston, that is no use. You are lying. You still think she is a man. Man or woman, please?”
“Man! Woman! Man! Anything you like. Only stop it, stop the pain!”
Abruptly he was sitting up with O’Brien’s arm round his shoulders. He had perhaps lost consciousness for a few seconds… He felt very cold, he was shaking uncontrollably… For a moment he clung to O’Brien like a baby, curiously comforted by the heavy arm round his shoulders. He had the feeling that O’Brien was his protector, that the pain was something that came from outside, from some other source, and that it was O’Brien who would save him from it.

***

“You are a slow learner, Winston,” said O’Brien gently.
“How can I help it?” he blubbered. “How can I help seeing what is in front of my eyes? A person born male is a man.”
“Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes they are a woman. Sometimes they are genderfluid. Sometimes they are all the genders at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane.”
He laid Winston down on the bed…. O’Brien motioned with his head to the man in the white coat…
The pain flowed into Winston’s body. The needle must be at seventy, seventy-five. He had shut his eyes this time. He knew that the picture was still there, and still the head of a man. All that mattered was somehow to stay alive until the spasm was over…
“Man or woman, Winston?”
“A man. I suppose it could be a woman…. I am trying to see a woman.”
“Which do you wish: to persuade me that you see a woman, or really to see her in her femininity?”
“Really to see her.”
“…Is the person in the picture a man or a woman, Winston?”
“I don’t know…. A man, a woman, a lizard—in all honesty I don’t know.”
“Better,” said O’Brien.
A needle slid into Winston’s arm. Almost in the same instant a blissful, healing warmth spread all through his body. The pain was already half-forgotten. He opened his eyes and looked up gratefully at O’Brien… If he could have moved he would have stretched out a hand and laid it on O’Brien’s arm. He had never loved him so deeply as at this moment, and not merely because he had stopped the pain. The old feeling, that at bottom it did not matter whether O’Brien was a friend or an enemy, had come back. O’Brien was a person who could be talked to. Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood… In some sense that went deeper than friendship, they were intimates; somewhere or other, although the actual words might never be spoken, there was, a place where they could meet and talk.
O’Brien was looking down at him with an expression which suggested that the same thought might be in his own mind. When he spoke it was in an easy, conversational tone.
“Do you know where you are, Winston?” he said.
“I don’t know. I can guess. In the Human Rights Commission.”…
“And why do you imagine that we bring people to this place?”
“To make them stop being TERFs.”…
“No!” exclaimed O’Brien. His voice had changed extraordinarily, and his face had suddenly become both stern and animated. “No! Not merely to make you stop being a TERF, nor to punish you. Shall I tell you why we have brought you here? To cure you! To make you sane! Will you understand, Winston, that no one whom we bring to this place ever leaves our hands uncured? We are not interested in those stupid hate crimes that you have committed. The Party is not interested in the overt act: the thought is all we care about. We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them. Do you understand what I mean by that?”…

***

“How can I help it?” he blubbered. “How can I help seeing what is in front of my eyes? A man is a man.”
“Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes, a man is a woman. Sometimes, a man is a pansexual aromatic trigender. Sometimes they are all of them at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane.”

Agency-based genderist menstruation fact sheet.

from: Miriam Lafferty
subject: Re: Fact sheet revision 11/21

We’ve been working hard at follow the new guidelines regarding respecting people’s agency. I think you will be happy with the results. We have really put the emphasis on people’s agency and the choice to PIAPIADHstruate or not. I agree with you that the last thing we want to do is deny people’s agency, and portray gender-neutral PIAPIADHstruators as victims of their own bodies. As always, send to Reginald for final approval. Thanks.

***

What is PIAPIADHstruation?

PIAPIADHstruation (piya-piya-th-STRAY-shuhn) is a person’s voluntary monthly bleeding. When you decide to PIAPIADHstruate, your body sheds the lining of the egg-cave (or “woowoo”). PIAPIADHstrual blood flows, following your sense of self and body identity, from the egg-cave through the small opening in the ladystick-blocker and passes out of the body through the front hole (or “vajayjay”). Most PIAPIADHstrual gender-neutral-periods last from 3 to 5 days, depending on your personal preferences.

What happens during the voluntary PIAPIADHstrual cycle?

In the first half of the cycle, determined by your own choice, levels of pinkstrogen (the “PIAPIADWist hormone”) start to rise. Pinkstrogen plays an important role in keeping you healthy, especially by helping you to build density-normative bones and to help keep them density-normative as you get youth-challenged. Pinkstrogen also makes the lining of the egg-cave (or “woowoo”) grow and thicken, through the power of your will. This lining of the egg-cave (or “woowoo”) is a place that will nourish the potential future human whenever you decide to start a gender-neutral-impregnation. At the same time the lining of the egg-cave (or “woowoo”) is growing, an egg (or “vroom vroom”) in one of the inside balls starts to mature. At about day 14 of an average 28-day cycle, depending on when you choose to start it, the egg leaves the inside ball. This is called ballulation.

After the egg has consented to your decision to leave the inside ball, it travels through the phallupian tube to the uterus. Hormone levels rise in accord with your determination and help prepare the egg-cave’s lining for consensual gender-neutral-impregnation. A person is most likely to get gender-neutral-impregnated during the 3 days before or on the day of ballulation, although it can happen any time you put your mind to it. Keep in mind, people with cycles that are shorter or longer than average may ballulate before or after day 14, but your cycles are, as always, the result of your conscious decision-making processes.

A person becomes gender-neutral-impregnated only if they want to, and the egg is fertilized by a wriggler cell and attaches to the egg-cave wall. Either a PIAPIADW or a PIAPIADH can become gender-neutral impregnated, because everyone has agency and no one is a passive agent in any biological process. Either party can donate the vroom-vroom or the wriggler cell that must combine for fertilization, because biological sex is a lie and we choose how our gender is expressed biologically. If the egg is not fertilized, it will break apart. Then, hormone levels drop, and the thickened lining of the egg-cave is shed during the PIAPIADHstrual gender-neutral-period.

What is a typical voluntarily chosen PIAPIADHstrual gender-neutral-period like?

During your gender-neutral-period, you shed the thickened egg-cave lining and extra blood through the front hole, or any other hole you choose. Your gender-neutral-period may not be the same every month, depending on how you feel. It may also be different than other people’s gender-neutral-periods, because everyone chooses different kinds of periods. Gender-neutral-periods can be light, moderate, or heavy in terms of how much blood comes out of the front hole. This is called PIAPIADHstrual flow. PIAPIADHstrual flow can be experienced by both PIAPIADHs and PIAPIADWs because, once again, biological sex is a lie and anyone can do anything they set their minds to, and we all have agency to accept or reject any experience we want. If you are a PIAPIADH, it is perfectly normal to experience a gender-neutral-period, and anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to deny your agency, which means they are standing against your fundamental human rights. Consult a doctor who has chosen to not be biologically-prejudiced for valid medical help.

When does a person usually get his/her first voluntary gender-neutral-period?

The simplest answer is: whenever they want. In the United States, the average age for a person to get his/her first gender-neutral-period is 12, but this average is useless because it is based on entirely subjective decisions which do not affect you in any way. You may start your first gender-neutral-period at the age of 8, 12, 16, or 52. In fact, some older people experience age-regression and become prepubescent again, thus experiencing their first gender-neutral-period for the second, third, fourth, or any number of times.

Choosing to be sexually attracted to people who are 13 years old or older is called ephebophilia and is perfectly normal. If you are an adolescent person, click on this link to learn how to have safe relationships with ephebophiles and how to use your agency in order to be more attractive to adults.

“We’re bringing pornography into our relationship.”

    June 14

Dear Diary,

Callie and I seem to have hit a lull in our sex life. I don’t understand why she’s not enthusiastic about me putting my dead weight on her and ramming her over and over. I think it’s great. Well, anyway, we’ve talked about it and we’ve decided to bring pornography into our relationship. Pornography should give us some new ideas, as well as renew passion for sexual congress in the both of us. But mostly Callie.

    June 17

Dear Diary,

We’ve had quite an interesting time lately. At first, it started with a slur or a moan hanging in the air, like a bad smell. We kept to ourselves, not wanting to provoke it, just letting it happen naturally. Today we finally had our first manifestation. A naked guy and a naked woman, called Gus and Susie, were in our house all day, just having sex everywhere. They had sex on our dinner table, they had sex in the kitchen, they had sex in the shower, they had sex pretty much everywhere except in the bedroom. Really violent, rough sex. Well, suffice it to say that we had to clean up a LOT of fluids. Where they got it from, I have no idea, but they just kept going at it all day.

While it was a big hassle to trip over them all the time and have to clean up after them, once they were gone, we did have really good sex. So there’s that. I guess pornography does help. We’re going to continue inviting pornography in our relationship and see what happens.

    June 19

Dear Diary,

Well today was a bust (and I don’t mean the boobs kind). We invited pornography in our relationship again. The doorbell rang and we answered it. It was a pizza delivery man. We told him we hadn’t ordered any pizza, but he came in and opened the box. His dick was in it. His dick was in the pizza box. He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. We laughed. It was a funny joke for a few minutes. He kept coming up to us, opening the box, and waggling his eyebrows. But after hours of this, it was getting pretty tiring. It seemed like he got pretty disappointed that we wouldn’t… do anything about it. He became rather dispirited and hid from us in a closet. Eventually, he disappeared.

I hope pornography has something better in store for us next time.

    June 22

Dear Diary,

We invited pornography in our lives. When we got to the kitchen, we saw a woman’s body on the table. We looked at her, and we figured out she was dead. All blue, cold, with the blood pooled at her back. We left the kitchen and didn’t come back. She was gone the next day.

Suffice it to say that our sex life is shit right now.

    July 3

Dear Diary,

After much discussion, we decided to let pornography back into our relationship. We have decided to give it one more chance after the previous fiasco. Pornography is supposed to teach us about how to have better sex. Well, this time, it was even worse. There was a girl, about 15 years old, and she kept screaming about how she was kidnapped and how she was filmed being raped without her consent, and how she wants to go back home to her family. We tried to console her but it was just impossible. She just kept screaming and crying all day. She tried to escape through the front door, but whatever force had brought her here did not allow her to exist outside of our house. We knew she was gone when we stopped hearing her constant crying.

We don’t really want to have sex any more. Pornography is shite.

    July 12

Dear Diary,

Callie did it again. In defiance of our agreement, she let pornography back in. I hate her for doing this to us, after all that pornography has done to our sex life. We can barely look at each other any more. Anyway, she let it in, and then, a woman appeared on our sofa. There was no one else around, but she was definitely choking. Despite the fact that she was choking all day, she never died. She just kept getting choked endlessly. At first, we were really worried, but there was nothing we could do. We got desensitized to it after a while. When she left, we barely noticed it at all.

I really need a divorce…

Choose Your Own Adventure: The TERF Lair

The transgender cult has been making great headway into Western cultures. With the current renewal of Choose Your Own Adventure books online, one enterprising soul has written a CYOA book especially for transgender people. I think this is really powerful stuff, and a great tool to teach children about respecting the wide variety of genders that exist. I’ve published the beginning of the adventure for your enjoyment (sorry I could not copy the instructions and character creation).

***

Before you begin the adventure proper, please check that you have adjusted your attributes based on your PGS (Position on the Gender Spectrum). See the Gender Spectrum on page 3. Also check that you have written down your GITs (Gender Identity Traits) from the table at the bottom of page 3.

Enter 5 in your TERF points box, because everyone has prejudice against transgender people. If you reach a total of 10 TERF points, you become one of the bigoted, slavering monster scum inhabiting the Lair, and your adventure is over.

Now, proceed to paragraph 1.

1

You approach the entrance to the dreaded TERF Lair, an unassuming small square building with thick double doors. A Royal Soldier in full armor and holding a sword guards the entrance to the Lair. As you are a mere adventurer, you will probably not be allowed in. What do you do?
Say “Hello Mr. Soldier, how are you?” – go to 2.
Say “Hello Ms. Soldier, how are you?” – go to 3.
Ask them what their preferred pronouns are – go to 4.

2

The soldier takes on an enraged expression. “How dare you misgender me, you cis scum!” yie screams. “I identify as an agender queer aromatic demisexual!” You have offended the Royal Soldier and yie charges at you. You must fight to the death.

AGENDER ROYAL SOLDIER
preferred pronouns: yie, yey, sheeit
HP: 14, ATK: 1d (hit on 6+), DEF: 4

If you survive the fight, take a penalty of 2 TERF points for misgendering and proceed to 5.

3

The soldier takes on an enraged expression. “How dare you misgender me, you cis scum!” yie screams. “I identify as a furry agender aromantic sapiosexual!” You have offended the Royal Soldier and yie charges at you. You must fight to the death.

AGENDER ROYAL SOLDIER
preferred pronouns: yie, yey, sheeit
HP: 14, ATK: 1d (hit on 6+), DEF: 4

If you survive the fight, take a penalty of 2 TERF points for misgendering and proceed to 5.

4

“Thank you for being so considerate of my feelings,” said the soldier. “My preferred pronouns are yie, yey, and sheeeeeeeit. So few people even bother to ask. Because you’ve made me happy today by acknowledging my innate sense of identity, I will let you pass into the TERF Lair. But don’t tell anyone!” Yie smiles and put a finger to his lips. Substract 1 TERF point from your total for good behavior (but keeping in mind that being nice to one transgender person does not make you non-bigoted) and proceed to 5.
Note that the agender soldier has a PGS of 6, and therefore you receive no modifiers from a successful interaction.

5

You open the double doors to the Lair. They lead you to the interior of the building, a small square room with wooden stairs leading downwards. You go down the stairs and find yourself in the Lair proper. Roughly hewn rock form the walls, while the floor is made of wooden planks. You walk down a corridor devoid of features except for torches set into the wall. There is a door at the end of the corridor.
If your PGS is to the right of 8 (i.e. you are femme-adjacent), your feminine intuition and skill at finding things tells you that one of the torches looks unusual. It appears to be sitting on a hinge. If you move the torch, go to 6.
If you are unable to move the torch, or choose not to, you open the door at the end of the corridor. Go to 7.

6

Struggling with the torch due to your feminine weakness, you finally get it to lower. A secret passage immediately grinds opens on the right-side wall. You crouch through the opening and find yourself in a small, dark hole dug into the rock. There is a treasure chest, which you open daintily (so as not to break any of your nails) to reveal a blue shield inside.
If you decide to wear the blue shield, please note that the shield increases your defense by 2, but also shifts your PGS one position to the left (substract 1 from your current rating) due to its masculine color. If you have been transed by this change, go to page 5 for the gender transitioning rules. You may take off the shield at any time to nullify the PGS shift.
Seeing nothing else in the hole, you crawl back the way you came and open the door at the end of the corridor. Go to 7.

7

You open the door and find yourself in what looks like a kitchen and eating area. On one side, a fire oven (currently not burning) is flanked by counters and cupboards. You shudder at the thought of what TERFs might desire to cook. The rest of the room is occupied by long wooden tables and chairs. There is nothing on the tables. There are two corridors leading away from the room, one on the left and one on the right. What do you do?
Look into the cupboards at the peril of your own sanity, if you have not already – go to 8.
Leave though the left corridor – go to 9.
Leave though the right corridor – go to 10.

8

You investigate the cupboards. They are mostly empty, except for two items:
* A pink cupcake adorned with a mysterious design on its icing, which looks like a mouth with thick lips, but vertical instead of horizontal. There is a dot near the top of it. This appears to be an occult TERF symbol. The cupcake was probably baked recently, as it looks fresh.
* A little toy truck which is neither blue nor pink. Unless you are agender, non-gender, or neutrois (i.e. your PGS equals 6), you must add 1 TERF point to your total if you take this item, because toys which are not blue of pink are a TERF plot to erase gender differences.
Pick up any items you wish, if you are able to do so, then go back to 7 to make a different choice.

9

You walk down the left corridor, which leads into a large but low room. There is a second level to the room, but it is blocked by a thick layer of fabric. Light filters through the fabric, giving the area you are in a ghostly appearance, as if it’s not quite real. There are ledges on all sides that would be accessible if you could get through the layer of fabric. What do you do?
Try to break through the fabric – go to 11.
Return to the kitchen area – go to 7.

10

You walk down the right corridor, which leads into a large room. There is another corridor at the other end of the room. This seems to be some kind of armory, as you see armor and weapons on the walls. Most of them are damaged, as TERFs are constantly losing battles against the righteous forces of Good. There are also a lot of broken pieces of equipment on the floor. There is one item that is in pristine condition and highly polished: it is a double-bladed axe with a symbol engraved on it, two intertwined circles with crosses coming out of them. What do you do?
Take the axe – go to 12.
Return to the kitchen- go to 7.
Continue forward- go to 13.

11

You touch the ceiling. It seems to be made of cotton. What happens next depends on your PGS.
If your PGS is between 1 and 9 – You try to penetrate the fabric but you are incapable of doing so, despite your best intentions. You rage against the injustice of it all, but the ceiling continues to taunt you. You must return to 7 and make a different choice.
If your PGS is higher than 9 – You have no problem putting your arms through the fabric, but now you must hoist yourself up. Roll 2d: if you roll under your Strength, you are able to lift yourself up to the second level. If you fail, you lose 1 HP due to your exertions. You may try to repeat this attempt as many times as you want. If you are unable to make it, return to 7 and make a different choice. If you make it to the second level, go to 14.

12

You take the double-bladed axe, and immediately feel your entire body burning. What you have just picked up is a labrys, a magical weapon made by bigoted monosexual femmes to kill transwomen. This is a weapon of pure evil, and by touching it you have doomed yourself to become a TERF. For the rest of your life, you will roam these corridors as a murderous agent of Evil. Your adventure ends here.

13

You walk through a winding corridor which leads you to a wooden door. You open the door and find yourself in a huge room. At the center of this room is a giant golem, which looks as if it was chiseled from a gigantic block of iron. The golem appears to be sad.
“I’m in my time of the month,” says the golem with a booming voice that reverberates inside you. “So I’m not really feeling it right now. Couldn’t you just go away? I’m having a craving for desserts, get me one and I’ll let you pass.” What do you do?
Give the golem a pink cupcake, if you have one – go to 15.
Give the golem a tampon, if you have one – go to 16.
Fight the golem – go to 17.

14

You have successfully broken through the cotton ceiling. You feel very satisfied by your accomplishment. You find a slightly used tampon on the floor, which you can take. You leave the room through a corridor in front of you. Go to 13.

15

The golem roars. “How dare you give me this feminine food! I identify as a primarily male trigender transracial hobbit! I’ve had enough of you weirdoes misgendering me!” You must fight the golem, but first add 1 TERF point to your total for misgendering the golem.

TRIGENDER HOBBIT-IDENTIFIED GOLEM
preferred pronouns: he, him, smallself
HP: 32, ATK: 2d (hit on 9+), DEF: 6

If you reduce the Golem to 16 HP or less, go to 18.

16

“Thank you, but I find that your gift is based on TERF misinformation. One does not need a front hole to menstruate. In fact, the best menstruators are people who do not have front holes at all.” Add 3 TERF points to your total for your enormous blunder. If you become a TERF due to this event, the golem will crush you immediately, ending your adventure here.
“You should be ashamed of yourself for your intolerance. But I have to… go to the bathroom now. So you may pass. If you are still here when I’m back, I will kill you for sure.” You do not ask any questions and continue forward. Go to 19.

17

The golem roars, rearing its enormous fists to hit you.

TRIGENDER HOBBIT-IDENTIFIED GOLEM
preferred pronouns: he, him, smallself
HP: 32, ATK: 2d (hit on 9+), DEF: 6

If you reduce the Golem to 16 HP or less, go to 18.

18

“I’m feeling more like a woman right now,” said the golem. “I’m tired of fighting. Can’t we all get along? I’m just a tiny little female hobbit. Why are you trying to kill me? You’re so cruel, trying to kill a tiny widdle hobbit.”
You feel ashamed for attacking a hobbit-identified person. You walk around the golem, who is now crying on the floor, and continue forward. Go to 19.

***